HOW MUCH HONESTY IS SAFE ON LINE?

Honesty. Yes. It's the basis of American and Christian society. We blame those we dislike for being dishonest.
Let's look at this closer.

NEVER TELL A LIE?

a1) SAINTS. HONESTY IS MY VIRTUE. LOVE THE WORLD.American Christian. George Washington. Politician. Son. Learned from parents. To be trusted.They are so straightforward that you instinctively respond. You know they won't judge you for being the wrong age, religion, or anything else. They say who they are. Without thinking about it, you immediately say who you are. They give you their home phone number, work phone, website and show you identity when they meet you to reassure you that you can trust them.
The opposite end of the spectrum is:

a2) JUDGERS
He works as a headmaster, teacher, psychoanalyst, judge, policeman, voluntary worker in a hospital or prison, or a magistrate. He is used to demanding the truth from other but is never obliged, for security reasons, to give out his own personal details.

You have a hard job convincing him that you, too, have to consider your security and not just give out your personal details to a stranger who won't give out his.

He should not be trying to persuade you to do so on a first date. Unless he has a second date, you don't know that he has serious intentions. If he doesn't, no need to give out information.

Not only that, he should not be programming a woman to give out information. If she tells him her details and gets into his car on the first date, and all goes well, she will be more inclined to do so with her next encounter. Next time if she's not so lucky ...

Extreme type of caution for others:I've had people get irate because I gave them a phone number, and give me warnings.

They have said, 'How can you be so careless? Never mind that you trust me. You should not trust anybody! I shall destroy it immediately. You have no sense of security! I can't trust you with my details. You're not safe to meet!'

b) ESCAPEES. LYING IS MY PROTECTION
Romany tradtion is just one example - always tell lies. To strangers. In the culture. For self-protection. (Read Bury Me Standing.)

Evasive. Never live in one place. Don't want to be caught.
Eternal students. Multiple spouses. Remember the song: 'All my exes live in Texas, that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee?

They don't just have on on-line nickname. They have three or more names for their different jobs, on assorted business cards with different names and addresses, most of which are their cousins and places where they don't live any more. Loads of funny stories about how ex-wives and landlords came round at night and how they got out of the back window. Don't call them because they are about to move on.

c) INTERROGATORS. TELL ME OR ELSE!
They expect others to be honest immediately on line. Demand to know your real age and birth date. I rate these as controlling types.

Some want to know all about you whilst telling nothing about themselves.

Others are garrulous, incautious, careless, indiscreet - tell you more about their sex life with their spouse, their finances, their health, the other women they are talking about, names of every person they've met in 50 years, far more than you need to know.

Sneaky stalkers:
Their Question: Tell me your birth date because I need to know your zodiac sign to know whether we are compatible.
My answer: I already know we are not compatible.

d) GENTLEMEN. They say, 'YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME ...'
Polite subtle detectives. They get clues as to your age from the age of your children, what you remember, your tastes in music.

Generally kind and discreet. Learn as much as they need to know. Don't tell much. Don't ask much. But you feel they are reliable.

e) TIMID HIDERS
Never want to reveal anything. Too scared. Don't want to hear your details. Might expose you. Or them. Supposing they got asked about you! Could land them in trouble.

You might demand reciprocation. Best not.

f) SNAILS
They say: 'Okay, today, I'll tell you my first name. Tomorrow I'll tell you my phone number. The next day I'll tell you what I do for a living. The day after that ... In a year's time, when we really trust each other, we might meet.

(They are ever so surprised to learn that after a month of this going nowhere stuff, you've got tired of watching TV and went out and dated somebody else - and actually told them in the hope that it would jolt them into some action.)

Which types have you met?
Have any of your phone calls or dates had nasty moments because you said too much or too little? How would you advise others?

Did the other person lie? Show the wrong photo? What was their excuse? Was it inexcusable?

Did you do anything to conceal your identity? Do you feel you were justified?

Make Every Day Valentine's Day

It's in the interests of restaurants to sell high price meals on Valentine's day and newspapers to carry ads promoting it, and to run columns the week after making everybody feel guilty so that you can be sure of selling high priced meals and advertising space next year.

I am suggesting a consumer revolution. That as many people as possible buy the bunches of flowers reduced to half price in the supermarkets the next day.

Or we could have a second Valentine's Day, like boxing day, so that secretaries and people who don't warrant the money or emotional commitment can be given a little fun, without sexual overtones, and feel appreciated. I'm sure the restaurants will go for this.

Second night you get a glass of champagne, not a bottle, or a sparkling wine, not champagne, and they get to use their decorations a second night. Or do it like Christmas, make Valentine's week. Dinners all week. That way you can hardly avoid it.

Or, like Christmas, they can run a second Valentine's menu alongside the ordinary one as an option. Why haven't I, yet, written to the men in my life to say, 'Where Were You?' I should have I written to say, 'You'd better turn up with a rose between your teeth, a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates next time you see me.'

Frankly, I'm prepared to provide the champagne myself. It's sitting on the shelf doing nothing. I get cheap bottles of wine from clubs which claim they don't have a budget for speakers. All I need is the man to pretend he's an adoring lover.

Is this going to be the year when Valentine's Day was blank for you? Can we redeem the situation?Millions of women didn't get invited out to dinner on Valentine's Day.

Or they went to the poetry club where everybody read Valentine's Day poetry.(The club should have had champagne and roses.)

There must be loads of clubs and meetings which fell on Valentine's Day, so that the chairman and secretary had to turn up. And loads of women whose husbands and boyfriends forgot and then didn't know how to make amends.

The man was overseas, or working late. Or busy with his wife, didn't realise until the day after, thought he'd be entertaining Suzie who went off with a man who made a better offer, whatever.

Or the lady might have half a dozen admirers who think she must be busy that day. (She pretends she is.) They'd like to take her out later.

Or they may think that Valentine's day is not just a financial commitment but an emotional commitment. Only for people who are about to get married and gives the impression you are already engaged.

They'd rather invite out a blind date and play at romancing, without looking like they are desperate.

What do you say to all those people who ask you what you did on Valentine's Day? Wouldn't you rather say, 'I was busy working, had a meeting.'

I'm sure lots of girls would rather have a romantic dinner with a glass of champagne and a card saying 'I adore you', or 'most beautiful girl in the world', plus a red rose, from somebody she loves, or even an acquaintance, the day after Valentine's.

Rather than spend all week reading those newspaper columns saying half the world sat at home wondering why the weren't popular last Tuesday. Advising on running on a treadmill so you don't feel suicidal.

So how can you offer a romantic post-Valentine's dinner without sounding like a cheapskate? Or that the woman is a second best afterthought?

I'm sure I'd have been delighted if either of the two (or more) great loves in my life had said, 'Sorry I couldn't see you on Valentine's Day. I'll make it up to you by taking you out for a very special dinner this weekend / week.'

Could the conversation go differently? You say either:
a) I want to take you out on Valentine's day for a romantic dinner. But the best restaurants are booked up and seem to have a set menu. Would you rather go out on the day, or shall we treat the another day that week as Valentine's day and I'll use the money I've saved to buy you some little goodies.

At this point I ask, 'What sort of little goodies?' By this time I'm sold on the idea.

Maybe not. I supposed this is really for couples who are married and living together and have a joint budget.

The trouble is once you've offered the little goodies, if I opt for the real day, I'm still hoping for the goodies. You could say, 'Would you rather have dinner and a rose on Tuesday? Or dinner on Wednesday - and with what I've saved I can afford whole bunch of roses.

Of course, I may suspect you are two-timing and taking somebody else out on the day, giving me second choice date. Or you say: 'I'm busy at work on Tuesday, (or whatever day it is). I'll send you a card/email on Tuesday, and I can take you out to dinner Thursday, or Friday, whichever you prefer.'

Look here, let's get to the point. I'm a romantic looking for a romantic. If anybody wants to take me out to a champagne dinner and give me a card and a rose, (and if you are feeling generous and hoping to get lucky, a sterling silver charm bracelet at under a tenner from any chain store jeweller in the UK, or any shopping mall cart basement level in the Far East, or any airport duty free rack) any day of the year is fine by me.

Maybe what I need is a rich submissive. Then I needn't wait. I can tell him what to do for me next Valentine's Day. Or any day next week. Any offers?