SUCCESSFUL PHONE CALLS - HORRORS & HEAVEN

SUCCESSFUL PHONE CALLS Sound happy when you answer. Smile. 

And when recording messages which others listen to.

Don't say, 'I don't know what to say,' but, 'I'd love to talk to you.' or, 'I'd love to meet you.' a) Bad sign - long interrogation. it sounds as if he wants to adapt to your wishes. It is unlikely that he is going to adapt to your wishes.He wants to know if you will adapt to his. It sounds as if he is expressing a polite interest. He isn't. He is likely to keep you answering questions for an hour and then tell you no thanks. Time wasting and disappointing. Cut the conversation short especially if you are working or people are about to arrive and if he wants to meet you will tell him more. (On the other hand, you might not want to discuss personal matters in a public place.) Are you getting positive feedback or just questions? Keep questions and answers even between the two or you. Don't reveal a lot unless the other person tells you - even then you might want to be more discreet or stop the other person. Do you want them to tell you all sorts of things you'd rather not know - on a first call from a total stranger. b) Good sign - Sounds pleased to see you. Even if it's not a good time, keen to speak to you later. Already interested in meeting. c) Uses positive words. You click with them on the phone. SUCCESSFUL MEETINGS Surveys have shown it can take about 20-25 meetings to meet Mr or Miss Right. So you have to be prepared to spend a lot of time with people who are friendly but not special. That's no different to what you have been doing for a week, or weeks, or years in life in general - and why you are on a dating site. What doesn't work? When you meet and conversation falls apart. Maybe they simply fail to turn you on. UNSUCCESSFUL MEN & WOMEN CONVERSATIONS a) The fearful submissive who is boring and blank and is willing to do anything but cannot drive a car or cook an egg or make coffee other than instant, or even instant coffee because they only drink water and they are too scared to travel b) The aggressive, either high status but lacking manners, or no status of any kind to give authority c) Social meeting only - but no chemistry - no meeting of eyes. d) No social skills - no meeting of eyes. (Note when meeting eyes you should smile - otherwise it's aggressive. Be friendly. e) Too rigid - 'You MUST' (be available on the third Thursday of the month, wear a jacket with pink spots etc) f) Obsessively self-centred stuck in their own past with no conversation - after three hours listening to what happened to them when they were two years old you feel like watching the TV news, reading a newspaper and discussing films with the people at the next table g) Physically not it or unnerving - most entertaining but you cannot foresee a relationship with somebody who has crossed yellow-brown teeth, swellings on their lips and eyes, dirty cracked fingernails, a bandage on their face, a bleeding neck and an arm in a sling, and two walking sticks and a story with gruesome details about their last operation.

h) Long stories about the death of their previous spouse or partner or friend - gives the listener the feeling of am I next and this person is miserable and a loser. The old saying goes, smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.

You might notice that when you start to talk about the death of your parents or children or spouse the other person listens intently for three minutes then suddenly decides it's time to leave. Learn for next time. No more than two sentences about sad subjects. It's no use saying, 'You don't want to know!' That creates a mystery and a challenge and worries them and sounds like you are playing hard to get and really want to tell so they will say, 'Yes, I do.' Change the subject to something jollier. Or ask them about something good in their life.

i) Some people just don't inspire you with confidence that they are in charge of a date or their life - after they spend forty minutes telling you how they lost all their money you start to worry whether they can afford coffee and a muffin or whether they want to 'borrow a fiver'. j) A man used the phrases 'I need money the money,' and 'I am looking for a rich widow'. But even though the listener has a good friend at work who fits this description she might not want to burden her with a loser. He lives nearby and is free over Christmas - but never married and in final paragraph admits he is looking for a penpal. MORE UNSUCCESSFUL WOMEN ON DATES a) Much older than was claimed. Old photo. 

A man aged 35-75 who is grey haired and balding expects a young blonde, but is outraged when he meets a woman who is grey haired and balding. He thinks that grey hair makes him looks distinguished. But not her. No comment. b) Sexy woman looking for a no strings attached relationship turns out to be a call girl and asks for money. (If men, especially those not showing photos, say they want a no strings attached relationship and demand much younger women, on adult or general sites, they often get bimbos, gold-diggers, young nymphos or call girls.) c) Date has broad shoulders and big feet - you suspect a transvestite. (If men show pictures of male nudes they attract gay or bisexual men. Real women tend to fall for a smiling faces. Strange, isn't it?) d) Attractive - but not to the person they are with. Talked on mobile to others throughout dinner. At this point the man thinks his date is not interested. He cut short dinner, only meets for coffee. But maybe she was on the phone because his conversation did not involve her.

SUCCESSFUL & FLEXIBLE

You are fortunately if you have the date you want nearby - happily separated from ex - looks after family but has plenty of time to meet - willing to give out phone number - happy to meet for an elegant lunch dinner so the woman can dress up and look good. People sometimes ask, What if we don't get on? Often you find couples where one talks and the other listens. But the listener must be devoted. However, extraverts often look for somebody like themselves, the sort of person who gets on well with everybody. If you are in the media or sales, you have to get on. Anybody who runs a successful business is either totally ruthless or they make it their business to get on. If a man is paying for my dinner I am under an obligation to be polite and charming. He has driven a long way. The very least I can do is be charming and polite. Listen. Talk. For years I've been a trailing wife and expat. I've had to sit in business meetings staying quiet or smiling at the wife of somebody I'll not see again for five years. For me to have a man giving me his total attention for a whole evening is a joy. You can call it man-woman, dom-sub, daddy-adult baby, call it what you like. I was an only child and I crave attention. I'm bright and jolly and looking for somebody bright and jolly. I go out expecting to have a good time. I'll do my half and I expect the other person to do their half. Teamwork. Everybody giving you advice has their own viewpoint. You have to listen and decide if it applies to you. You might try to change simply because what you tried before didn't work and you want to try a new approach.

Regarding meetings, I try to be totally flexible and positive - I say, 'if it doesn't work out we'll have a fun hour or so meeting anyway.' And sometimes the perfect fit is a disappointment, whilst the person who seemingly has nothing is such a laugh and such fun that you could spend all day talking nonsense and never feel under pressure. So if you really want to meet people, meet everybody who sounds safe and then you might make a new friend. It's better if you are flexible. One of you has to be easy-going and ready to meet. I hope this has helped. You can see where others go wrong and maybe where you go wrong. You know what to do to get a meeting. You may have learned something about yourself - or about me. I'd love to hear some feedback. To some extent you make your own luck. I wish you luck!