I looked at the newsletter of marketing adviser Ilse Benun.
She started a discuss on networking and flirting. Women had asked her how not to convey the impression that they were flirting.
She admitted that she flirted and that she did business more successfuly with men.
I looked at a picture of another person, Colleen. Her picture said flirting all over it.
1 First the sexy smile. Not quite face-on but coquettishly slightly sideways to imply 'chase me'.
2 The glasses slightly down the nose so the eyes are at the top.
3 The dimpled lines created by the self-conscious pursed lips.
4 The clincher is the open-neck shirt. For business you wear a buttoned up shirt. Opening it almost down to the bust is a come-on.
5 An open-neck shirt is also very friendly. It says I'm casual and easy-going, which combined with the smile ...
As Shakespeare said of Lady Macbeth: 'Methinks the lady doth protest too much.'
I also liked the tip about how to flirt. When you look at a man's wedding ring and ask, 'Do you have a girlfriend?' that's a leading question.
But if you ask if he has children that's more neutral.
I have the opposite problem. I want to get dates. How do I find the one available man at a conference and convey that I'm fascinated by his business because he's a successful man and I fancy him?
I want to hint that after this cocktail party ends, why doesn't he ask me out to dinner?
How do I tell him that I'm successful and solvent and want to go into business with him - and more?
As the song in the musical Avenue Q says: 'It's a fine, fine line.'
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Better Safe Than Sorry - Lessons From Perugia
FASCINATION & INVOLVEMENT
Worldwide interest is on the dreadful murder in Italy of Meredith Kercher. Citizens of three or more countries are involved. A young student living overseas, who should have been having fun, and had all her life ahead of her, has lost her life. What can we learn from this?
WORRY
I keep telling myself to stop thinking and worrying about this. It's not my problem, only one of thousands of murders and deaths every day. It's not in my country. Nobody I know is involved. The situation is not one that I can change or help. There are not even any lessons to be learned. Or are there?
Why does this drama hold the attention of the rest of the world? Cautionary tale?
There but for the grace of god go I? Reminder of how much better off we are than we think we are when stressed out?
The mystery element makes you keep turning over the facts, as if by analyzing it, just one more time, you will be able to say that this must have happened or that must have happened. As if you could work out whether this person must have been guilty therefore another person must have been innocent, or maybe an accessory after he fact protecting a guilty party.
An unsettling element is questioning one's ability to judge character and predict events. As is so often the case, whether it's a massacre, a suicide bomber, or a single slaying, all the families come forward and say but my son or daughter must be innocent - they could not have done it.
So what do we conclude? That nobody can ever guess? That friends and family cannot tell?
So you cannot trust anybody, not even your family? Not your flatmate? Not your boyfriend or girlfriend? Not your spouse? Not your son or daughter?
PEER PRESSURE
Or should we reach another conclusion? Any young person can easily be persuaded that it's okay to kill themselves and somebody else?
DRUGS
Do drugs make you forget what you've done? People in court claim that drugs make them remember nothing about where they were, who they were with, or what happened. Under the influence you could not have attacked anybody else? Nor defended them!
ACCIDENTS
Many people in court under suspicion of murder claim that they committed manslaughter, not murder. They say that they only meant to frighten somebody, not to kill them. If that's true, our education system is at fault. We needed classes in both survival - meaning self-protection, plus self-restraint and safeguarding others.
Sometimes it looks like a genuine accident. But more often a bystander can see 'an accident waiting to happen', because people play with weapons or play fight.
DANGER
Excitement comes from the element of danger, of a power struggle, or the triumph of winning.
Elements of danger are normally present with any compression of the neck, and carrying or using knives and guns. Danger to yourself and others.
Being a victim is one danger. Being a witness is another danger.
Committing a crime and regretting it is one danger. Getting caught is another danger.
Being in the vicinity of somebody else and being accidentally mistakenly - or deliberately - blamed by police is another. Being blamed by somebody else trying to shift the blame from themselves to you is yet another danger.
We have a case in the UK of a boy playing with a gun who killed his sister. At least one person in the US has been killed by a gun which was loaded when the person holding it didn't realize or didn't know it would go off.
At least one case in the USA and another in England of people shooting themselves in the foot with their own gun.
Surely common sense and caution tells you to check a gun is loaded? And what about somebody holding a knife to somebody else's neck just to frighten them?
PRECAUTIONS
What precautions do you take? Do you lock your bedroom door at night, even when flatmates are about? Do you avoid people who are high on drugs? Do you take care not to play games with people who are drugged or drunk?
Should one avoid threesomes - the commonest fantasy of men and women, according to one survey.
Or should one just shrug? Usually after a well-publicized incident there are calls for changes in the law to prevent it happening again.
Insurance companies don't take a fatalistic attitude. They require you to set up locks and fire alarms and sprinklers.
Societies set up to prevent accidents at work and home and on the roads attempt to find causes and then prevent the events being repeated. In the UK we have had many knifings and now legislation has got tougher on the carrying of knives.
Airlines also don't allow any excuse. No knives. That's it. They stop you taking knives in your hand luggage or pockets.
Laws and rules have stopped youngsters from buying knives. And from taking them into school. What more can be done?
PS Looking at the news stories again two things stand out, drugs and consent. Drugs should not have been clouding common sense. Consent should have been obtained.
For safety:
1 Don't mix drugs and sex
2 All parties must consent at all times - this includes agreeing in advance and being allowed to change their minds if the situation changes and they are no longer
3 You have to care about somebody when you have sex with them or play any games.
4 They have to care about you, not just fancy having sex with you, care about you and your wellbeing. This means either caring about you specifically. You must allow time for this feeling to grow.
Or they must be the sort of person who cares about anybody and everybody. A nurturer. Again, you need time to know their personality.
Worldwide interest is on the dreadful murder in Italy of Meredith Kercher. Citizens of three or more countries are involved. A young student living overseas, who should have been having fun, and had all her life ahead of her, has lost her life. What can we learn from this?
WORRY
I keep telling myself to stop thinking and worrying about this. It's not my problem, only one of thousands of murders and deaths every day. It's not in my country. Nobody I know is involved. The situation is not one that I can change or help. There are not even any lessons to be learned. Or are there?
Why does this drama hold the attention of the rest of the world? Cautionary tale?
There but for the grace of god go I? Reminder of how much better off we are than we think we are when stressed out?
The mystery element makes you keep turning over the facts, as if by analyzing it, just one more time, you will be able to say that this must have happened or that must have happened. As if you could work out whether this person must have been guilty therefore another person must have been innocent, or maybe an accessory after he fact protecting a guilty party.
An unsettling element is questioning one's ability to judge character and predict events. As is so often the case, whether it's a massacre, a suicide bomber, or a single slaying, all the families come forward and say but my son or daughter must be innocent - they could not have done it.
So what do we conclude? That nobody can ever guess? That friends and family cannot tell?
So you cannot trust anybody, not even your family? Not your flatmate? Not your boyfriend or girlfriend? Not your spouse? Not your son or daughter?
PEER PRESSURE
Or should we reach another conclusion? Any young person can easily be persuaded that it's okay to kill themselves and somebody else?
DRUGS
Do drugs make you forget what you've done? People in court claim that drugs make them remember nothing about where they were, who they were with, or what happened. Under the influence you could not have attacked anybody else? Nor defended them!
ACCIDENTS
Many people in court under suspicion of murder claim that they committed manslaughter, not murder. They say that they only meant to frighten somebody, not to kill them. If that's true, our education system is at fault. We needed classes in both survival - meaning self-protection, plus self-restraint and safeguarding others.
Sometimes it looks like a genuine accident. But more often a bystander can see 'an accident waiting to happen', because people play with weapons or play fight.
DANGER
Excitement comes from the element of danger, of a power struggle, or the triumph of winning.
Elements of danger are normally present with any compression of the neck, and carrying or using knives and guns. Danger to yourself and others.
Being a victim is one danger. Being a witness is another danger.
Committing a crime and regretting it is one danger. Getting caught is another danger.
Being in the vicinity of somebody else and being accidentally mistakenly - or deliberately - blamed by police is another. Being blamed by somebody else trying to shift the blame from themselves to you is yet another danger.
We have a case in the UK of a boy playing with a gun who killed his sister. At least one person in the US has been killed by a gun which was loaded when the person holding it didn't realize or didn't know it would go off.
At least one case in the USA and another in England of people shooting themselves in the foot with their own gun.
Surely common sense and caution tells you to check a gun is loaded? And what about somebody holding a knife to somebody else's neck just to frighten them?
PRECAUTIONS
What precautions do you take? Do you lock your bedroom door at night, even when flatmates are about? Do you avoid people who are high on drugs? Do you take care not to play games with people who are drugged or drunk?
Should one avoid threesomes - the commonest fantasy of men and women, according to one survey.
Or should one just shrug? Usually after a well-publicized incident there are calls for changes in the law to prevent it happening again.
Insurance companies don't take a fatalistic attitude. They require you to set up locks and fire alarms and sprinklers.
Societies set up to prevent accidents at work and home and on the roads attempt to find causes and then prevent the events being repeated. In the UK we have had many knifings and now legislation has got tougher on the carrying of knives.
Airlines also don't allow any excuse. No knives. That's it. They stop you taking knives in your hand luggage or pockets.
Laws and rules have stopped youngsters from buying knives. And from taking them into school. What more can be done?
PS Looking at the news stories again two things stand out, drugs and consent. Drugs should not have been clouding common sense. Consent should have been obtained.
For safety:
1 Don't mix drugs and sex
2 All parties must consent at all times - this includes agreeing in advance and being allowed to change their minds if the situation changes and they are no longer
3 You have to care about somebody when you have sex with them or play any games.
4 They have to care about you, not just fancy having sex with you, care about you and your wellbeing. This means either caring about you specifically. You must allow time for this feeling to grow.
Or they must be the sort of person who cares about anybody and everybody. A nurturer. Again, you need time to know their personality.
Friday, August 31, 2007
How to Take a Face & Body Photo That's Nearly Nude but not crude
What does your photo say about you? What do you think of other people's photos? I'll start with those I pass over and end with my favourites, the funny nearly-nudes.
1 Escaped Prisoner
Glaring straight at camera. If he's out, I wish he'd go back. To get more positive results, pose again and this time add a smile.
2 Evasive
This person is avoiding the camera and looking at somebody else. Would you ever get their attention even if you were standing straight in front of them? I suggest taking another photo and smiling at the camera.
3 Nude Close-Up
If I wanted to be a nurse I would be out at work seeing the real thing. Gosh, pages of intimate photos. Totally un-memorable. Except for those which unnerve you. Like on the kitchen table. (What's that say about hygiene?)
What I want to see is a smiling face.
4 Funny Nearly Nude
Today I saw the best nearly nude photo. The guy is showing his face. And body. He is wearing only a long tie covering vital parts.
It makes you want to grab the tie and move it. Playing a game with the onlooker. Most enticing.
He has a sense of humour. He is discreet. But funny. He got my attention.
You can also hold a hat over your vital organs. Or a newspaper. Or a book. Or a piece of paper with a question mark on it. Or any piece of sporting equipment. Or stand behind a piece of furniture.
A classic way to display yourself without being crude is the beach shot, wearing a bathing costume. Again, action is best. Better than showing off your body. Action. Whether it's eating an ice cream, surfing, building sand-castles, caught mid-action putting up an umbrella, or carrying a deck chair or beach bag so that it looks as if you might be nude behind it. You can show that to mother. Yours. Or theirs.
So much better to see a face. And body. But know the other person is discreet.
Not playing power games. Not shy. Nor aggressive. Just fun.
1 Escaped Prisoner
Glaring straight at camera. If he's out, I wish he'd go back. To get more positive results, pose again and this time add a smile.
2 Evasive
This person is avoiding the camera and looking at somebody else. Would you ever get their attention even if you were standing straight in front of them? I suggest taking another photo and smiling at the camera.
3 Nude Close-Up
If I wanted to be a nurse I would be out at work seeing the real thing. Gosh, pages of intimate photos. Totally un-memorable. Except for those which unnerve you. Like on the kitchen table. (What's that say about hygiene?)
What I want to see is a smiling face.
4 Funny Nearly Nude
Today I saw the best nearly nude photo. The guy is showing his face. And body. He is wearing only a long tie covering vital parts.
It makes you want to grab the tie and move it. Playing a game with the onlooker. Most enticing.
He has a sense of humour. He is discreet. But funny. He got my attention.
You can also hold a hat over your vital organs. Or a newspaper. Or a book. Or a piece of paper with a question mark on it. Or any piece of sporting equipment. Or stand behind a piece of furniture.
A classic way to display yourself without being crude is the beach shot, wearing a bathing costume. Again, action is best. Better than showing off your body. Action. Whether it's eating an ice cream, surfing, building sand-castles, caught mid-action putting up an umbrella, or carrying a deck chair or beach bag so that it looks as if you might be nude behind it. You can show that to mother. Yours. Or theirs.
So much better to see a face. And body. But know the other person is discreet.
Not playing power games. Not shy. Nor aggressive. Just fun.
LITTLE WHITE LIES FOR LOVERS
CO-ORDINATE STORIES
A while ago, I was at a hotel on a first anniversary weekend away with my new husband. We could not understand why nobody would speak to us.
Then I got talking to a woman in the Ladies. Meanwhile, my husband had chatted to the other husband in the Gents.
My husband and met up again, both proud to tell what we had learned. She lived in City A and managed a dress shop. He lived in City B and was a rep.
Now we knew. They weren't married. Or, if they were, they were married to other people.
They were away on a 'dirty weekend'. They had tried to avoid speaking to us. But they hadn't co-ordinated their stories so we knew.
Plan and co-ordinate story line. You don't want to be telling your neighbour that Harry is your cousin from Ohio whilst Harry is telling your neighbour's husband that he is the plumber.:))
A while ago, I was at a hotel on a first anniversary weekend away with my new husband. We could not understand why nobody would speak to us.
Then I got talking to a woman in the Ladies. Meanwhile, my husband had chatted to the other husband in the Gents.
My husband and met up again, both proud to tell what we had learned. She lived in City A and managed a dress shop. He lived in City B and was a rep.
Now we knew. They weren't married. Or, if they were, they were married to other people.
They were away on a 'dirty weekend'. They had tried to avoid speaking to us. But they hadn't co-ordinated their stories so we knew.
Plan and co-ordinate story line. You don't want to be telling your neighbour that Harry is your cousin from Ohio whilst Harry is telling your neighbour's husband that he is the plumber.:))
Tips On First Impressions When Sharing Your Home With Visitors
What he should do to prepare the home for my arrival? What will the lady, the princess, see when she arrives. (This applies equally when preparing for any VIP visitor.)
Stand outside the door like a vacuum cleaner sales person assessing whether the home owner is solvent and houseproud. First impression of your home?
1 CLEAR AND CLEAN OUTSIDE
Can the bell be heard? Are the door and handle and step clean? And the windows? And curtains? Flowerbeds neat? No litter? Clean car outside?
If it's late at night, put on the light over the door. I once turned and ran when I saw my date's front door was behind bushes in a dark side alley. You don't want to scare her into thinking she's entering the 'house of horrors'.
2 DE-CLUTTER INSIDE
Now, indoors. Clear floors, work surfaces, doorways and windows.
Put boots, trainers, shoes and slippers together against the wall, not lying around untidily to trip you up.
Chuck out old newspapers. If you must save them to cover surfaces for DIY, put them in a plastic bag in the garage.
3 HIDE RIVALS
Remove photos of family, especially wife or ex-wife, and ex-girlfriends.
And ancestors watching you.
Animal items on kitchen floor should be moved aside.
4 DUST BUST
Dust off surfaces. Is the kitchen clean for her to make coffee? Put coffee cups and saucers and coffee and sugar by the kettle. You don't want her opening cupboards discovering clutter and other secrets. Nor do you want to be spending hours hunting for the matching cup and saucer you bought last week and ending up handing her the chipped cup.
5 STOCK FRIDGE
Is the milk fresh? Have you got sweetener? Juice? Mineral water? Fruit? Protein? Your visitor might have travelled a distance, or set off without eating because of nerves and might now be hungry.
Healthy nibbles such as nuts?
6 CLEAR DUST & DIY RUBBLE
I was once at the filthy flat of a boyfriend. I wrote my name in the dust in every room before I left. That way the next person in would notice the dust and see he had a girlfriend. I reckoned he'd have to dust or suffer the embarrassment.
Worst place was the new home of the gorgeous mature man, recently divorced. He had such a dirty kitchen that I spent ten minutes cleaning the floor and work surfaces before making coffee.
The bath was impossible to use - full of rubble. I had to clean off the taps and basin. Also the toilet seat. Finally I washed the grubby toothpaste I borrowed.
7 CREATE SOFT LIGHTING
No glare. Make sure you have a shade on every light bulb. If you've just moved in, take her shopping to advise.
8 MAKE A WELCOMING LIVING ROOM
Clear floors, tables, side tables and seats.
Choose mood music CDs.
Close curtains and turn on table lamps.
9 ELIMINATE ANIMAL SMELLS
Worst smells are from a household of cats. Your best date will be with another cat lover.
If you have an adorable dog which jumps on visitors and knocks them to the floor, perhaps Rover should not be roving but sit eating his food in a back room until your visitor asks to meet him. Then keep him on a lead for the introduction until you are sure your date likes dogs.
Change clothes which have had animals all over them. No point wearing a clean shirt and a jacket or coat which reeks of smoke and dogs. Check shoes which have walked through mud and more.
10 FIX FOOD SMELLS
You might not notice the smell. Until you come back from holiday. Open all windows.
Empty all bins. Remove stale food, especially rotting fruit from fruit bowls and fridges.
You can spray with air freshener. Cut flowers or ferns from the garden or supermarket or garden centre (ask for flowers with scent).
Ah - but she might be allergic to pollen. If she's going to sneeze for three months of the year, or demand to live on snow-capped mountains in winder and in the desert in summer, it might be a good idea to find out early. If she's a hayfever sufferer and you're a nurturer, you could buy her a couple of products to help.
A bowl of scented leaves will be available in gift shops or big stores. Wear aftershave.
FEEDBACK PLEASE
Have I forgotten anything? Any other suggestions?
Is this what you would do anyway? Does it seem like a lot of trouble? Only for special people? Just what you would do for any visitor?
For articles, blogs and books giving advice on dating, contact Angelalansbury@hotmail.com
I can also assess your appearance, voice, and confidence, to do a personal makeover, if you are dating or going for job interviews.
Stand outside the door like a vacuum cleaner sales person assessing whether the home owner is solvent and houseproud. First impression of your home?
1 CLEAR AND CLEAN OUTSIDE
Can the bell be heard? Are the door and handle and step clean? And the windows? And curtains? Flowerbeds neat? No litter? Clean car outside?
If it's late at night, put on the light over the door. I once turned and ran when I saw my date's front door was behind bushes in a dark side alley. You don't want to scare her into thinking she's entering the 'house of horrors'.
2 DE-CLUTTER INSIDE
Now, indoors. Clear floors, work surfaces, doorways and windows.
Put boots, trainers, shoes and slippers together against the wall, not lying around untidily to trip you up.
Chuck out old newspapers. If you must save them to cover surfaces for DIY, put them in a plastic bag in the garage.
3 HIDE RIVALS
Remove photos of family, especially wife or ex-wife, and ex-girlfriends.
And ancestors watching you.
Animal items on kitchen floor should be moved aside.
4 DUST BUST
Dust off surfaces. Is the kitchen clean for her to make coffee? Put coffee cups and saucers and coffee and sugar by the kettle. You don't want her opening cupboards discovering clutter and other secrets. Nor do you want to be spending hours hunting for the matching cup and saucer you bought last week and ending up handing her the chipped cup.
5 STOCK FRIDGE
Is the milk fresh? Have you got sweetener? Juice? Mineral water? Fruit? Protein? Your visitor might have travelled a distance, or set off without eating because of nerves and might now be hungry.
Healthy nibbles such as nuts?
6 CLEAR DUST & DIY RUBBLE
I was once at the filthy flat of a boyfriend. I wrote my name in the dust in every room before I left. That way the next person in would notice the dust and see he had a girlfriend. I reckoned he'd have to dust or suffer the embarrassment.
Worst place was the new home of the gorgeous mature man, recently divorced. He had such a dirty kitchen that I spent ten minutes cleaning the floor and work surfaces before making coffee.
The bath was impossible to use - full of rubble. I had to clean off the taps and basin. Also the toilet seat. Finally I washed the grubby toothpaste I borrowed.
7 CREATE SOFT LIGHTING
No glare. Make sure you have a shade on every light bulb. If you've just moved in, take her shopping to advise.
8 MAKE A WELCOMING LIVING ROOM
Clear floors, tables, side tables and seats.
Choose mood music CDs.
Close curtains and turn on table lamps.
9 ELIMINATE ANIMAL SMELLS
Worst smells are from a household of cats. Your best date will be with another cat lover.
If you have an adorable dog which jumps on visitors and knocks them to the floor, perhaps Rover should not be roving but sit eating his food in a back room until your visitor asks to meet him. Then keep him on a lead for the introduction until you are sure your date likes dogs.
Change clothes which have had animals all over them. No point wearing a clean shirt and a jacket or coat which reeks of smoke and dogs. Check shoes which have walked through mud and more.
10 FIX FOOD SMELLS
You might not notice the smell. Until you come back from holiday. Open all windows.
Empty all bins. Remove stale food, especially rotting fruit from fruit bowls and fridges.
You can spray with air freshener. Cut flowers or ferns from the garden or supermarket or garden centre (ask for flowers with scent).
Ah - but she might be allergic to pollen. If she's going to sneeze for three months of the year, or demand to live on snow-capped mountains in winder and in the desert in summer, it might be a good idea to find out early. If she's a hayfever sufferer and you're a nurturer, you could buy her a couple of products to help.
A bowl of scented leaves will be available in gift shops or big stores. Wear aftershave.
FEEDBACK PLEASE
Have I forgotten anything? Any other suggestions?
Is this what you would do anyway? Does it seem like a lot of trouble? Only for special people? Just what you would do for any visitor?
For articles, blogs and books giving advice on dating, contact Angelalansbury@hotmail.com
I can also assess your appearance, voice, and confidence, to do a personal makeover, if you are dating or going for job interviews.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
More On Mind Games
Somebody says 'no mind games'. Another says, 'no head games'. What do they mean?
Do they mean not 'playing hard to get'?
Or no drama?
Or say what you mean and mean what you say?
Or do they mean they want a one night stand with no conversation? No wit? No repartee? No humour?
No manipulation? Not saying something when you mean another? Not saying nothing when you have a hidden agenda?
Lots of humorous pop psychology books have been written to illustrate the mind set of men and women.
The basics are well known. Women in their thirties know that they should have children before their forties so they want to get married.
So you should be honest?
No. You can't tell a man you want to get married on the first date. Unless you live in a culture where you have arranged marriage and all single women are escorted.
We then come down to What's In It For Me?
Lots of male's profiles tell you what they are looking for. Sex and more sex.
Like a shop which tells you prices. Yes, the customer wants to know prices. But does the customer want to hear, 'We want your money'.
Marketing is a mind game. PR is a mind game. Politeness is a mind game. Tact is a mind game. A blog is a mind game.
One spends a great deal of time trying to understand other people's mind games. Everybody from the sales person to the server in the restaurant to the politician.
Yes, it is so much easier when people say what they mean. But we all know people who are rude, aggressive, selfish, kids throwing tantrums to get their own way.
Civilization is knowing your own group's mind games. Getting married is a mind game. Buying a house is a mind game. Getting a job is a mind game. Getting paid is a mind game.
Every parent has to play mind games. You can tell a kid, 'Eat your dinner!' but he won't. You can sit all day waiting for him to eat his dinner.
To get served, to get to the head of the line in a shop or a restaurant or at an airport or attraction, involves a mind game somewhere. Life is simpler if we have simple rules and stick to them.
But it only works when one person wants to hear what the other person needs. And is ready to supply it.
Putting up sign which says 'Please wait to be seated' is a mind game. The restaurant wants to control the customers.
Every speech and book is a mind game. Getting somebody else into bed is a mind game. Keeping them in bed is a mind game. Enjoying being in bed together is a mind game. Getting somebody out of your bed is a mind game.
By saying NO mind games, you are setting the other person up to play mind games. By being negative, you are warning them to be careful when dealing with you.
A negative command is often remembered as a positive command. That's why a major chocolate bar is being promoted with the slogan, 'Girls should not eat ...' Firstly, the negative will be forgotten.
Secondly, some people have inbuilt resistance. When you tell them to do something, they immediately want to do the opposite. Call it what you like, forbidden fruit, naughtiness, testing limits, being bolshie, defiance.
What do you mean by mind games?
Do they mean not 'playing hard to get'?
Or no drama?
Or say what you mean and mean what you say?
Or do they mean they want a one night stand with no conversation? No wit? No repartee? No humour?
No manipulation? Not saying something when you mean another? Not saying nothing when you have a hidden agenda?
Lots of humorous pop psychology books have been written to illustrate the mind set of men and women.
The basics are well known. Women in their thirties know that they should have children before their forties so they want to get married.
So you should be honest?
No. You can't tell a man you want to get married on the first date. Unless you live in a culture where you have arranged marriage and all single women are escorted.
We then come down to What's In It For Me?
Lots of male's profiles tell you what they are looking for. Sex and more sex.
Like a shop which tells you prices. Yes, the customer wants to know prices. But does the customer want to hear, 'We want your money'.
Marketing is a mind game. PR is a mind game. Politeness is a mind game. Tact is a mind game. A blog is a mind game.
One spends a great deal of time trying to understand other people's mind games. Everybody from the sales person to the server in the restaurant to the politician.
Yes, it is so much easier when people say what they mean. But we all know people who are rude, aggressive, selfish, kids throwing tantrums to get their own way.
Civilization is knowing your own group's mind games. Getting married is a mind game. Buying a house is a mind game. Getting a job is a mind game. Getting paid is a mind game.
Every parent has to play mind games. You can tell a kid, 'Eat your dinner!' but he won't. You can sit all day waiting for him to eat his dinner.
To get served, to get to the head of the line in a shop or a restaurant or at an airport or attraction, involves a mind game somewhere. Life is simpler if we have simple rules and stick to them.
But it only works when one person wants to hear what the other person needs. And is ready to supply it.
Putting up sign which says 'Please wait to be seated' is a mind game. The restaurant wants to control the customers.
Every speech and book is a mind game. Getting somebody else into bed is a mind game. Keeping them in bed is a mind game. Enjoying being in bed together is a mind game. Getting somebody out of your bed is a mind game.
By saying NO mind games, you are setting the other person up to play mind games. By being negative, you are warning them to be careful when dealing with you.
A negative command is often remembered as a positive command. That's why a major chocolate bar is being promoted with the slogan, 'Girls should not eat ...' Firstly, the negative will be forgotten.
Secondly, some people have inbuilt resistance. When you tell them to do something, they immediately want to do the opposite. Call it what you like, forbidden fruit, naughtiness, testing limits, being bolshie, defiance.
What do you mean by mind games?
Monday, August 6, 2007
I don't normally reply to anybody who has a body part picture. It suggests to me that they want a one night stand and have no common sense nor any kind of respectable job. Does anybody really want their children or neighbours or future employers to see their body parts in close-up?
Even last year's face photos can make you cringe. Do you really want last year's body parts hanging around forever when the fashion for tattoos and piercings is over?
I had wedding photos taken next to a nude statue. A decade later it looked so tasteless and tacky.
A face is much more fun. Men, or women, I like to see your face. One man shows a face photo but covers his eyes. That's so strange. Because on one site the smiling eyes are the only part of myself I've revealed. I suppose he likes to show a smiling mouth.
Even last year's face photos can make you cringe. Do you really want last year's body parts hanging around forever when the fashion for tattoos and piercings is over?
I had wedding photos taken next to a nude statue. A decade later it looked so tasteless and tacky.
A face is much more fun. Men, or women, I like to see your face. One man shows a face photo but covers his eyes. That's so strange. Because on one site the smiling eyes are the only part of myself I've revealed. I suppose he likes to show a smiling mouth.
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