Over lunch with my new man, I say that I'd like to be a famous writer, like JK Rowling.
Every day my computer inbox is full of motivational talks. They say, if you can dream it, you can do it.
They also tell you to seek out people who encourage you to fulfil your desires.
But top priority for me is the man of my dreams. Actually, I'm quite realistic. I want companionship.
My date says he has no desire to be a celebrity. He'd rather retire early and work or teach what he likes for nothing.
Does it matter what we say?
Do I really have to watch every word, censor what I say, in case our dreams don't match?
Should I follow the advice lines?
No. That's like following religion and politics. I'm a firm believer in putting people before any abstract concept. The family or friend is always more important than a guru.
The guru only comes in when things are going wrong and you need an outsider to sort out the mess.
My friend hasn't told me that it's stupid of me to want to be famous. He hasn't told me that my being a teacher is more worthwhile than being a TV personality.
He is has told me what he wants to be. Implied criticism? Implied lack of harmony. Attempt to subtly change me?
Or is he simply drifting off into the 'Me, too ...' train of thought?
But I still wonder whether I should demand a supportive friend who assures me, 'I'm sure you'll be rich/famous/whatever,' because he knows that's what I'd like to hear?
But often the people who support your dreams are also dreamers, who won't actually ever help you, just smile.
My son says the quickest way to get anything done is to leave behind people who are retired or unemployed, and join a successful company where you are surrounded by people who get things done.
But I want to stay at home and do desktop publishing and take long lunches with friends when I feel like it.
My old mentor used to say to me, impatiently, 'You think too much!'
Now, there's a thought.
What do you think?
Friday, July 27, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Does the Daddy-Daughter Scenario Attract Or Repulse You? Why?
(First - why am I repeating the title? Because sometimes the second half gets wiped off by the system.)
For a long time I found the Daddy-Daughter scenario repulsive and could not explain why I did not like it nor understand why others did.
Now the answer seems so obvious that I cannot understand why I missed it earlier. Let me think this through to clarify it for myself, explain it to you, and get your feedback.
Who likes the Daddy-daughter scenario? Is it:
1) Re-enactment of childhood. But idealized. Wish fulfilment?
2) A version of the sub-dom scenario?
3) Or merely a version of the mating scenario?
Love and affection? Or control and punishment? Or a mixture?
Let's look at what happens in childhood. A little girl copies Mummy and expecting approval tells Mummy: 'I want to marry Daddy!'
(This is what happened to mother Mia Farrow and husband - don't get me started on this - whole bad scene.)
In my view, people who play Daddy and Daughter and Lil Girl and acting out this scene. We all use elements of this regression to the cosy, loving world of childhood. Lovers using baby talk.
(My sub dom fantasy goes back to this era, when adults were in control and sensation was strong, love, toilet training, pleasing adults, being punished or threatened with spankings. All control and love comes from a larger male figure. Dom.)
Mummy then politely explains that Daddy belongs to Mummy and toddler has to find a little boy her own age and marry him.
Here we get into the incest taboo. This is where I come in again. I am repulsed by this idea.
Especially as my father and mother lived long lives so I had years of adulthood with father as a taboo sexual figure who was allied with mother.
What's more, since my father died recently, any mention of fathers bring up unpleasant memories of bereavement. Any relationship involving a 'father', just using the word Dad or father, would involve distracting fantasies or side-tracking philosophizing about an angry mother and repulsive necrophilia.
But I am now able to understand why others follow the Dad-daughter idea.
For the woman it is cosy and reassuring. Daddy tucks her into bed at night. The role play or fantasy may end up sexual. Or it may stay at the platonic fantasy level with cuddles and total relaxation ending in sleep.
And on that happy note I shall leave you.
Please feel free to leave comments, or links, however short or long.
(First - why am I repeating the title? Because sometimes the second half gets wiped off by the system.)
For a long time I found the Daddy-Daughter scenario repulsive and could not explain why I did not like it nor understand why others did.
Now the answer seems so obvious that I cannot understand why I missed it earlier. Let me think this through to clarify it for myself, explain it to you, and get your feedback.
Who likes the Daddy-daughter scenario? Is it:
1) Re-enactment of childhood. But idealized. Wish fulfilment?
2) A version of the sub-dom scenario?
3) Or merely a version of the mating scenario?
Love and affection? Or control and punishment? Or a mixture?
Let's look at what happens in childhood. A little girl copies Mummy and expecting approval tells Mummy: 'I want to marry Daddy!'
(This is what happened to mother Mia Farrow and husband - don't get me started on this - whole bad scene.)
In my view, people who play Daddy and Daughter and Lil Girl and acting out this scene. We all use elements of this regression to the cosy, loving world of childhood. Lovers using baby talk.
(My sub dom fantasy goes back to this era, when adults were in control and sensation was strong, love, toilet training, pleasing adults, being punished or threatened with spankings. All control and love comes from a larger male figure. Dom.)
Mummy then politely explains that Daddy belongs to Mummy and toddler has to find a little boy her own age and marry him.
Here we get into the incest taboo. This is where I come in again. I am repulsed by this idea.
Especially as my father and mother lived long lives so I had years of adulthood with father as a taboo sexual figure who was allied with mother.
What's more, since my father died recently, any mention of fathers bring up unpleasant memories of bereavement. Any relationship involving a 'father', just using the word Dad or father, would involve distracting fantasies or side-tracking philosophizing about an angry mother and repulsive necrophilia.
But I am now able to understand why others follow the Dad-daughter idea.
For the woman it is cosy and reassuring. Daddy tucks her into bed at night. The role play or fantasy may end up sexual. Or it may stay at the platonic fantasy level with cuddles and total relaxation ending in sleep.
And on that happy note I shall leave you.
Please feel free to leave comments, or links, however short or long.
JUSTICE, CONTROL, HARMONY & EUPHORIA
A post I wrote earlier about films such Deliverance inspired a comment from a reader that revenge resonates with him and he considers it a noble motive - unlike the rest of society.
REVENGE - OR JUSTICE?Justice requires an independent view of the situation. Simply restoring the see-saw to a level position. An eye for an eye means an eye for an eye, not two eyes for an eye.
Pay the money owed or return the goods stolen. That satisfied the feeling of jealousy, that another has more than you have. It restores the status quo.
FAMILY JEALOUSY, JUSTICE & INJUSTICE
See what happens in families at your supermarket. Toddler wants six-year-old's toy, doesn't get it and slaps six-year-old. Six-year-old chases toddler. Mum turns and sees six-year- old hit toddler - so Mum hits six-year-old. Toddler, forgetting original grievance, enjoying winning this game, laughs.
Or Dad sits down and asks who hit who first and reasons with both of them. But we've all seen injustice. We've all wanted to hit the naughty one. (Origin of the urge to play dom? Or to get revenge?)
Feeling guilty? Worried when we'd get caught? Relief to get the punishment over? That's a recipe for a sub's role.
TRIBAL TRIAL & PUNISHMENT
Moving from the family, to the larger group, the tribe. The tribal leaders at the gate of the city have a public court.
First you check the identity of the person who is accused. No sending in a hit man who kills some innocent bystander or tenant who answers the door.
An independent judge decides. Usually some time after the event when tempers have cooled.
Then both sides are allowed to speak.
Now let's see what happens in civilzation, in a big Western city. The jury system allows a dozen people.
To be sure you are not swayed by the person who gets the last word, the last word goes to somebody who sums up. Before the prisoner is led away the judge explains his verdict.
Revenge says that is not enough. The person who started the quarrel must be punished.
I'll repeat what I said earlier. Justice requires an independent view of the situation. Simply setting the see-saw level. An eye for an eye, not two eyes for an eye.
Pay the money owed or return the goods stolen. That satisfied the feeling of jealousy, that another has more than you have. It restores the status quo.
GROUP PUNISHMENT
Revenge can lead to feuds - collective responsibility - excessive punishment involving bystanders - from the bar room fight to entire family, tribe or country wiped out because of the act of one.
However - we also have the concepts of deterrence and punishment.
Increasingly, we see the public agitated that crimes in the UK are not sufficiently punished because the crime rate is increasing.
Wars are increasing.
CONTROL
A sociologist would say that this is simply what happens when you get overcrowding.
An egalitarian would say we have not distributed the cake fairly. Grab from those who have, even if you do not give to the have-nots, and the desire for revenge will go.
Control freaks will demand more control. Stoics will say it's a cycle, up and down of population and economy and weather and just go with the flow. Confucians run families and society with a hierarch. So does the Roman Catholic church.
The government makes excuses for the criminal. Except when it can claim taxes and fines. So the penniless man who commits a murder can be excused. But the motorist must be fined. Not just fined, but by an excessive amount as a deterrent. And a punishment.
PUNISHMENT PLAY
In role play we allow ourselves to re-enact or fantasize that we are the victim or the revenger. That we punish or are punished.
The game or story can be that the 'victim' is simply in the right place at the right time. Or that they deserved the punishment. Or that they have done nothing wrong but must be 'taught' and trained to be obedient. Or that they have angered the dom and must suffer excessive punishment.
TEAM-WORK & WRITING ROLE PLAY
Because it is role play, and both parties are willing participants, the person acting as victim is allowed to opt out at any point. Especially as the scene may take them in new directions and it has to be satisfying and enjoyable on one level for it to continue on that occasion and others.
The complication in violence or mock violence as in sex is that the victim has to work out how much pleasure the dominant needs or wants. The dominant has to work out how much pain or rough play the submissive can accept, without the submissive being endangered or simply not enjoying it and opting out.
We allow the day's stress or annoyances going back to childhood to be revenged by the Alpha male or dominatrix on the sub male or female.
Another person takes the other role. It can be permanently (24/7 as a slave). Or temporarily as submissive or brat - as short as five minutes, or in two seconds of repartee over dinner.
Clearly for safety we need to know that the dominant partner can come out of the situation - even if the sub is out of it in subspace.
Real life marriages are often one of these scenarios. But sometimes you need an outsider. A marriage guidance counsellor.
FILMS /MOVIES
Let's go back to films. In films, we can let the fantasy run riot. Hopefully no actors or animals are hurt in the film. Although one of the actors in Deliverance claims that it left a lasting effect on him.
For some people films are dangerous or upsetting. For others they are enlightening. For others they are merely an hour or two's satisfying amusement.
EUPHORIA
Whether you watch a film or play-act, the perfect end is to be left in the joyful state which we are all seeking, relaxation, calm, contentment and happiness, even euphoria, a feeling of being in control of ourselves and the world.
***Author's Amusing footnoteFor the benefit of all I used the ABC spell checker below. It wanted to turn the word have-nots into have nits.:))
Feel free to comment, friends - and enemies. To get publicity all writers need a vociferous, if daft, enemy.
REVENGE - OR JUSTICE?Justice requires an independent view of the situation. Simply restoring the see-saw to a level position. An eye for an eye means an eye for an eye, not two eyes for an eye.
Pay the money owed or return the goods stolen. That satisfied the feeling of jealousy, that another has more than you have. It restores the status quo.
FAMILY JEALOUSY, JUSTICE & INJUSTICE
See what happens in families at your supermarket. Toddler wants six-year-old's toy, doesn't get it and slaps six-year-old. Six-year-old chases toddler. Mum turns and sees six-year- old hit toddler - so Mum hits six-year-old. Toddler, forgetting original grievance, enjoying winning this game, laughs.
Or Dad sits down and asks who hit who first and reasons with both of them. But we've all seen injustice. We've all wanted to hit the naughty one. (Origin of the urge to play dom? Or to get revenge?)
Feeling guilty? Worried when we'd get caught? Relief to get the punishment over? That's a recipe for a sub's role.
TRIBAL TRIAL & PUNISHMENT
Moving from the family, to the larger group, the tribe. The tribal leaders at the gate of the city have a public court.
First you check the identity of the person who is accused. No sending in a hit man who kills some innocent bystander or tenant who answers the door.
An independent judge decides. Usually some time after the event when tempers have cooled.
Then both sides are allowed to speak.
Now let's see what happens in civilzation, in a big Western city. The jury system allows a dozen people.
To be sure you are not swayed by the person who gets the last word, the last word goes to somebody who sums up. Before the prisoner is led away the judge explains his verdict.
Revenge says that is not enough. The person who started the quarrel must be punished.
I'll repeat what I said earlier. Justice requires an independent view of the situation. Simply setting the see-saw level. An eye for an eye, not two eyes for an eye.
Pay the money owed or return the goods stolen. That satisfied the feeling of jealousy, that another has more than you have. It restores the status quo.
GROUP PUNISHMENT
Revenge can lead to feuds - collective responsibility - excessive punishment involving bystanders - from the bar room fight to entire family, tribe or country wiped out because of the act of one.
However - we also have the concepts of deterrence and punishment.
Increasingly, we see the public agitated that crimes in the UK are not sufficiently punished because the crime rate is increasing.
Wars are increasing.
CONTROL
A sociologist would say that this is simply what happens when you get overcrowding.
An egalitarian would say we have not distributed the cake fairly. Grab from those who have, even if you do not give to the have-nots, and the desire for revenge will go.
Control freaks will demand more control. Stoics will say it's a cycle, up and down of population and economy and weather and just go with the flow. Confucians run families and society with a hierarch. So does the Roman Catholic church.
The government makes excuses for the criminal. Except when it can claim taxes and fines. So the penniless man who commits a murder can be excused. But the motorist must be fined. Not just fined, but by an excessive amount as a deterrent. And a punishment.
PUNISHMENT PLAY
In role play we allow ourselves to re-enact or fantasize that we are the victim or the revenger. That we punish or are punished.
The game or story can be that the 'victim' is simply in the right place at the right time. Or that they deserved the punishment. Or that they have done nothing wrong but must be 'taught' and trained to be obedient. Or that they have angered the dom and must suffer excessive punishment.
TEAM-WORK & WRITING ROLE PLAY
Because it is role play, and both parties are willing participants, the person acting as victim is allowed to opt out at any point. Especially as the scene may take them in new directions and it has to be satisfying and enjoyable on one level for it to continue on that occasion and others.
The complication in violence or mock violence as in sex is that the victim has to work out how much pleasure the dominant needs or wants. The dominant has to work out how much pain or rough play the submissive can accept, without the submissive being endangered or simply not enjoying it and opting out.
We allow the day's stress or annoyances going back to childhood to be revenged by the Alpha male or dominatrix on the sub male or female.
Another person takes the other role. It can be permanently (24/7 as a slave). Or temporarily as submissive or brat - as short as five minutes, or in two seconds of repartee over dinner.
Clearly for safety we need to know that the dominant partner can come out of the situation - even if the sub is out of it in subspace.
Real life marriages are often one of these scenarios. But sometimes you need an outsider. A marriage guidance counsellor.
FILMS /MOVIES
Let's go back to films. In films, we can let the fantasy run riot. Hopefully no actors or animals are hurt in the film. Although one of the actors in Deliverance claims that it left a lasting effect on him.
For some people films are dangerous or upsetting. For others they are enlightening. For others they are merely an hour or two's satisfying amusement.
EUPHORIA
Whether you watch a film or play-act, the perfect end is to be left in the joyful state which we are all seeking, relaxation, calm, contentment and happiness, even euphoria, a feeling of being in control of ourselves and the world.
***Author's Amusing footnoteFor the benefit of all I used the ABC spell checker below. It wanted to turn the word have-nots into have nits.:))
Feel free to comment, friends - and enemies. To get publicity all writers need a vociferous, if daft, enemy.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
The Men And Women You Meet
This World And The Next
I classify people in four categories:
A Skilled.
Totally practical people who live in the here and now, won’t read books.
B Scientists.
All round academics – who understand the abstract, but are also practical.
C Creatives.
Writers, artists, musicians and more.
D Heaven-seekers.
The most determined are the suicide bombers - the least determined are the waverers who follow different ideas each week and give away all their money.
Cults give newcomers questionnaires. Cults are seeking waverers who will give all their money to the cult. If the waverer has no money, they can give time, and spend their apprentice years starry-eyed, not knowing what the cult it about, but recruiting others.
A Skilled people are helpful when you want to get things done. I respect them. Useful and sensible.
B Scientists – I admire them. They can be tough on those in other categories.
C Creatives are the most fun. But often too other-worldly. Ask a creative writer, musician, or artist what he does for a living and he’ll insist 'I am a writer,' or composer, whatever, even if he makes no money from it.
D When the heaven seekers can’t tell the difference between fact and fiction they can be comical. Children shout at clowns to avoid what’s behind you but listen innocently and agog to stories.
Adult heaven seekers may be harmless people who rely on dreams and promises of heaven and hopes of winning the lottery and dreams.
The become dangerous when they disregard the feelings and safety of people in this world.
The sooner they leave the rest of us the better. Especially if you are trying to get something practical done, such as put u a tent, or make a five year plan for a pension scheme.
I classify people in four categories:
A Skilled.
Totally practical people who live in the here and now, won’t read books.
B Scientists.
All round academics – who understand the abstract, but are also practical.
C Creatives.
Writers, artists, musicians and more.
D Heaven-seekers.
The most determined are the suicide bombers - the least determined are the waverers who follow different ideas each week and give away all their money.
Cults give newcomers questionnaires. Cults are seeking waverers who will give all their money to the cult. If the waverer has no money, they can give time, and spend their apprentice years starry-eyed, not knowing what the cult it about, but recruiting others.
A Skilled people are helpful when you want to get things done. I respect them. Useful and sensible.
B Scientists – I admire them. They can be tough on those in other categories.
C Creatives are the most fun. But often too other-worldly. Ask a creative writer, musician, or artist what he does for a living and he’ll insist 'I am a writer,' or composer, whatever, even if he makes no money from it.
D When the heaven seekers can’t tell the difference between fact and fiction they can be comical. Children shout at clowns to avoid what’s behind you but listen innocently and agog to stories.
Adult heaven seekers may be harmless people who rely on dreams and promises of heaven and hopes of winning the lottery and dreams.
The become dangerous when they disregard the feelings and safety of people in this world.
The sooner they leave the rest of us the better. Especially if you are trying to get something practical done, such as put u a tent, or make a five year plan for a pension scheme.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
What Do People Say About You? The Pot & The Kettle
An English saying about the pot calling the kettle black refers to criticising others for your own faults.
What about when other people comment on you?
Assume
1 That people are either understating or overstating what they mean.
2 When they comment on you, they are commenting on themselves.
If they praise you, they are praising the qualities they have or wish they have.
3 If they criticise you they are criticising the faults they have or fear they have or try not to have.
4 Their hopes and fears for you are likewise their hopes and fears for themselves.
If somebody worries that you will get mugged, or hopes you will 'get lucky', it is safe to say they feel the same about themselves.
5 Many a true word spoken in gest.
What about when other people comment on you?
Assume
1 That people are either understating or overstating what they mean.
2 When they comment on you, they are commenting on themselves.
If they praise you, they are praising the qualities they have or wish they have.
3 If they criticise you they are criticising the faults they have or fear they have or try not to have.
4 Their hopes and fears for you are likewise their hopes and fears for themselves.
If somebody worries that you will get mugged, or hopes you will 'get lucky', it is safe to say they feel the same about themselves.
5 Many a true word spoken in gest.
Why Tall & Short People Like Each Other
Now I can answer the question 'What Are You Looking For?' in a new way. I am looking for people who make me feel at ease. Short people.
But I am also looking for people who excite me. Tall people.
The Psychology of Short People
We shorties have what I call the 'Little Napoleon' complex.
The owner of a hotel group was the same. I went to a press do and when he took the microphone I thought, why did anybody pick that little guy to do PR? Then I realized he was the man who ran the whole show. Small man, big hotels.
Small People - Big Fish In Small Pools
Small people are water people too. When you are swimming you are horizontal.
Tall people are simply space-consuming in a swimming pool. You can cram in more of the shorties.
I hadn't realized I have height in common with many of my later life friends. We literally see eye-to-eye.
Small Women And Tall Men
When I was a teenager I was turned on, excited, by men over six foot tall. They made me feel protected.
Thrilling Dominating Tall People
Tall people made me feel vulnerable and slightly nervous. They generated the same sort of excitement liked by the people who watch high wire circus acts and magicians throwing knives.
Those who want to participate go for sinister-looking role-play games on bondage sites with medieval dungeons and knives which look unnervingly dangerous. But the players themselves often claim such scenes are harmless fun.
The onlooker sees pairs of contrasting characters. Tall and short. They might also be old and young or black and white. For a stage act it gets attention. Sometimes getting the attention of outsiders is part of the deal.
Or public notice could be the downside, a revelation of one's secret thoughts, hopes, fears. A tall husband with a small wife could be attempting to compensate, to have children nearer the average. Or to make everyday life easier. He could be a gentle giant, helping her reach high shelves and carry heavy shopping.
They might have chosen each other despite the differences. Or because of them. As the French say, Vive la difference.
Thrill-seeking
Now I can see what they are seeking. It's known as thrill-seeking. Same feeling generated on bigger dippers and theme park rides.
Just enough danger to send adrenalin pumping through you and get the blood circulating to all the vital parts. Wakes you up when you were bored and lethargic.
How Tall Are You
Whenever I see a very tall person, I stop them to ask how tall they are. I don't expect them to be annoyed. I expect them to feel flattered.
I have noticed them. They stand out from the crowd. They may not have chosen to be or look tall. They may look taller than they really are because of being slim, or wearing heeled shoes. I am admiring, envious, of them because they have a quality I don't have. They must know this.
I am playing at being vulnerable little girl. I am like a toddler again, in a world of taller adults.
At first I was always gushing with excitement and admiration. The tall person, sometimes overwhelmed by my admiration, either by accident or design, quelled my over-admiration by describing the downside to being tall. Hitting your head on doorways. Having difficulty finding big clothes and shoes and furniture.
After a conversation with a tall person who turned the discussion in that direction, on the next occasion I followed the same pattern. I ended by asking if there were any difficulties they faced and how they solved them.
I am elevating them to tall parent. Even when I am asking them about their problems, do they have trouble with low doors and short beds, I am still sympathizing with them and putting myself in their position, seeing things from their point of view.
But I am also revealing low-level (unintended pun there) jealousy and envy. Showing that my thought process is: 'He or she has height I never had; but I mustn't be miserable and feel disadvantaged because being tall is not always an advantage.
I'm not an ill-wisher, like people casting the evil eye. I am smiling and singling them our for attention.
If it's a chat to a tall waiter or waitress, yet the conversation moves to the disadvatages of being tall, I have also signalled to my smaller dining partner, 'Don't worry, dear. We shorties are just fine. No need to be any taller. It would create as many problems as it solves.
'You are tall enough for me, partner. And I am tall enough for you.'
Yes, I am looking for tall people and short people. I am looking to see the good in everybody.
But I am also looking for people who excite me. Tall people.
The Psychology of Short People
We shorties have what I call the 'Little Napoleon' complex.
The owner of a hotel group was the same. I went to a press do and when he took the microphone I thought, why did anybody pick that little guy to do PR? Then I realized he was the man who ran the whole show. Small man, big hotels.
Small People - Big Fish In Small Pools
Small people are water people too. When you are swimming you are horizontal.
Tall people are simply space-consuming in a swimming pool. You can cram in more of the shorties.
I hadn't realized I have height in common with many of my later life friends. We literally see eye-to-eye.
Small Women And Tall Men
When I was a teenager I was turned on, excited, by men over six foot tall. They made me feel protected.
Thrilling Dominating Tall People
Tall people made me feel vulnerable and slightly nervous. They generated the same sort of excitement liked by the people who watch high wire circus acts and magicians throwing knives.
Those who want to participate go for sinister-looking role-play games on bondage sites with medieval dungeons and knives which look unnervingly dangerous. But the players themselves often claim such scenes are harmless fun.
The onlooker sees pairs of contrasting characters. Tall and short. They might also be old and young or black and white. For a stage act it gets attention. Sometimes getting the attention of outsiders is part of the deal.
Or public notice could be the downside, a revelation of one's secret thoughts, hopes, fears. A tall husband with a small wife could be attempting to compensate, to have children nearer the average. Or to make everyday life easier. He could be a gentle giant, helping her reach high shelves and carry heavy shopping.
They might have chosen each other despite the differences. Or because of them. As the French say, Vive la difference.
Thrill-seeking
Now I can see what they are seeking. It's known as thrill-seeking. Same feeling generated on bigger dippers and theme park rides.
Just enough danger to send adrenalin pumping through you and get the blood circulating to all the vital parts. Wakes you up when you were bored and lethargic.
How Tall Are You
Whenever I see a very tall person, I stop them to ask how tall they are. I don't expect them to be annoyed. I expect them to feel flattered.
I have noticed them. They stand out from the crowd. They may not have chosen to be or look tall. They may look taller than they really are because of being slim, or wearing heeled shoes. I am admiring, envious, of them because they have a quality I don't have. They must know this.
I am playing at being vulnerable little girl. I am like a toddler again, in a world of taller adults.
At first I was always gushing with excitement and admiration. The tall person, sometimes overwhelmed by my admiration, either by accident or design, quelled my over-admiration by describing the downside to being tall. Hitting your head on doorways. Having difficulty finding big clothes and shoes and furniture.
After a conversation with a tall person who turned the discussion in that direction, on the next occasion I followed the same pattern. I ended by asking if there were any difficulties they faced and how they solved them.
I am elevating them to tall parent. Even when I am asking them about their problems, do they have trouble with low doors and short beds, I am still sympathizing with them and putting myself in their position, seeing things from their point of view.
But I am also revealing low-level (unintended pun there) jealousy and envy. Showing that my thought process is: 'He or she has height I never had; but I mustn't be miserable and feel disadvantaged because being tall is not always an advantage.
I'm not an ill-wisher, like people casting the evil eye. I am smiling and singling them our for attention.
If it's a chat to a tall waiter or waitress, yet the conversation moves to the disadvatages of being tall, I have also signalled to my smaller dining partner, 'Don't worry, dear. We shorties are just fine. No need to be any taller. It would create as many problems as it solves.
'You are tall enough for me, partner. And I am tall enough for you.'
Yes, I am looking for tall people and short people. I am looking to see the good in everybody.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
DATINGANDMATINGGUIDE
Dating and Mating Guide - Your Guide To What People Think, Say And Do
I write to a friend that during his visit to London, England, I would like to go to Edinburgh Festival with him, but he would probably have 'better things to do'.
(I am censoring the language I used.)
He wrote back that it was a bizarre e-mail.
I replied.
Simply assume
1 That people are either understating or overstating what they mean.
2 When they comment on you, they are commenting on themselves.
If they praise you, they are are praising the qualities they have or wish they have.
3 If they criticize you they are criticizing the faults they have or fear they have or try not to have.
4 Their hopes and fears for you are likewise their hopes and fears for themselves.
If somebody worries that you will get mugged, or hopes you will 'get lucky', it is safe to say they feel the same about themselves.
5 Many a true word spoken in gest.
My bizarre email translated means:
Your trip is short.
I would like to see you.
I would like to go to Edinburgh with you.
But I fear you will be too busy to go to Edinburgh.
Because I fear I shall be too busy to go to Edinburgh.
Your priorities will possibly be not Edinburgh but what is politely described as seeing long-standing friends.
Angela, too, hardly has any time for Edinburgh.
She, too, would make seeing special friends a priority.
It would be nice to have 'better things to do'. ROFL.
A private audience is better than a public audience.
Better the bird, or boy, in the hand, than the boy in the bush. ROFL.
She has previously had 'better things to do' ... and hopes this will be so in future.
At the time of the Edinburgh, she wishes she were, or will be. (Grammar subjunctive fails me.)
----- Original Message -----
Dating and Mating Guide - Your Guide To What People Think, Say And Do
I write to a friend that during his visit to London, England, I would like to go to Edinburgh Festival with him, but he would probably have 'better things to do'.
(I am censoring the language I used.)
He wrote back that it was a bizarre e-mail.
I replied.
Simply assume
1 That people are either understating or overstating what they mean.
2 When they comment on you, they are commenting on themselves.
If they praise you, they are are praising the qualities they have or wish they have.
3 If they criticize you they are criticizing the faults they have or fear they have or try not to have.
4 Their hopes and fears for you are likewise their hopes and fears for themselves.
If somebody worries that you will get mugged, or hopes you will 'get lucky', it is safe to say they feel the same about themselves.
5 Many a true word spoken in gest.
My bizarre email translated means:
Your trip is short.
I would like to see you.
I would like to go to Edinburgh with you.
But I fear you will be too busy to go to Edinburgh.
Because I fear I shall be too busy to go to Edinburgh.
Your priorities will possibly be not Edinburgh but what is politely described as seeing long-standing friends.
Angela, too, hardly has any time for Edinburgh.
She, too, would make seeing special friends a priority.
It would be nice to have 'better things to do'. ROFL.
A private audience is better than a public audience.
Better the bird, or boy, in the hand, than the boy in the bush. ROFL.
She has previously had 'better things to do' ... and hopes this will be so in future.
At the time of the Edinburgh, she wishes she were, or will be. (Grammar subjunctive fails me.)
----- Original Message -----
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