What does your photo say about you? What do you think of other people's photos? I'll start with those I pass over and end with my favourites, the funny nearly-nudes.
1 Escaped Prisoner
Glaring straight at camera. If he's out, I wish he'd go back. To get more positive results, pose again and this time add a smile.
2 Evasive
This person is avoiding the camera and looking at somebody else. Would you ever get their attention even if you were standing straight in front of them? I suggest taking another photo and smiling at the camera.
3 Nude Close-Up
If I wanted to be a nurse I would be out at work seeing the real thing. Gosh, pages of intimate photos. Totally un-memorable. Except for those which unnerve you. Like on the kitchen table. (What's that say about hygiene?)
What I want to see is a smiling face.
4 Funny Nearly Nude
Today I saw the best nearly nude photo. The guy is showing his face. And body. He is wearing only a long tie covering vital parts.
It makes you want to grab the tie and move it. Playing a game with the onlooker. Most enticing.
He has a sense of humour. He is discreet. But funny. He got my attention.
You can also hold a hat over your vital organs. Or a newspaper. Or a book. Or a piece of paper with a question mark on it. Or any piece of sporting equipment. Or stand behind a piece of furniture.
A classic way to display yourself without being crude is the beach shot, wearing a bathing costume. Again, action is best. Better than showing off your body. Action. Whether it's eating an ice cream, surfing, building sand-castles, caught mid-action putting up an umbrella, or carrying a deck chair or beach bag so that it looks as if you might be nude behind it. You can show that to mother. Yours. Or theirs.
So much better to see a face. And body. But know the other person is discreet.
Not playing power games. Not shy. Nor aggressive. Just fun.
Friday, August 31, 2007
LITTLE WHITE LIES FOR LOVERS
CO-ORDINATE STORIES
A while ago, I was at a hotel on a first anniversary weekend away with my new husband. We could not understand why nobody would speak to us.
Then I got talking to a woman in the Ladies. Meanwhile, my husband had chatted to the other husband in the Gents.
My husband and met up again, both proud to tell what we had learned. She lived in City A and managed a dress shop. He lived in City B and was a rep.
Now we knew. They weren't married. Or, if they were, they were married to other people.
They were away on a 'dirty weekend'. They had tried to avoid speaking to us. But they hadn't co-ordinated their stories so we knew.
Plan and co-ordinate story line. You don't want to be telling your neighbour that Harry is your cousin from Ohio whilst Harry is telling your neighbour's husband that he is the plumber.:))
A while ago, I was at a hotel on a first anniversary weekend away with my new husband. We could not understand why nobody would speak to us.
Then I got talking to a woman in the Ladies. Meanwhile, my husband had chatted to the other husband in the Gents.
My husband and met up again, both proud to tell what we had learned. She lived in City A and managed a dress shop. He lived in City B and was a rep.
Now we knew. They weren't married. Or, if they were, they were married to other people.
They were away on a 'dirty weekend'. They had tried to avoid speaking to us. But they hadn't co-ordinated their stories so we knew.
Plan and co-ordinate story line. You don't want to be telling your neighbour that Harry is your cousin from Ohio whilst Harry is telling your neighbour's husband that he is the plumber.:))
Tips On First Impressions When Sharing Your Home With Visitors
What he should do to prepare the home for my arrival? What will the lady, the princess, see when she arrives. (This applies equally when preparing for any VIP visitor.)
Stand outside the door like a vacuum cleaner sales person assessing whether the home owner is solvent and houseproud. First impression of your home?
1 CLEAR AND CLEAN OUTSIDE
Can the bell be heard? Are the door and handle and step clean? And the windows? And curtains? Flowerbeds neat? No litter? Clean car outside?
If it's late at night, put on the light over the door. I once turned and ran when I saw my date's front door was behind bushes in a dark side alley. You don't want to scare her into thinking she's entering the 'house of horrors'.
2 DE-CLUTTER INSIDE
Now, indoors. Clear floors, work surfaces, doorways and windows.
Put boots, trainers, shoes and slippers together against the wall, not lying around untidily to trip you up.
Chuck out old newspapers. If you must save them to cover surfaces for DIY, put them in a plastic bag in the garage.
3 HIDE RIVALS
Remove photos of family, especially wife or ex-wife, and ex-girlfriends.
And ancestors watching you.
Animal items on kitchen floor should be moved aside.
4 DUST BUST
Dust off surfaces. Is the kitchen clean for her to make coffee? Put coffee cups and saucers and coffee and sugar by the kettle. You don't want her opening cupboards discovering clutter and other secrets. Nor do you want to be spending hours hunting for the matching cup and saucer you bought last week and ending up handing her the chipped cup.
5 STOCK FRIDGE
Is the milk fresh? Have you got sweetener? Juice? Mineral water? Fruit? Protein? Your visitor might have travelled a distance, or set off without eating because of nerves and might now be hungry.
Healthy nibbles such as nuts?
6 CLEAR DUST & DIY RUBBLE
I was once at the filthy flat of a boyfriend. I wrote my name in the dust in every room before I left. That way the next person in would notice the dust and see he had a girlfriend. I reckoned he'd have to dust or suffer the embarrassment.
Worst place was the new home of the gorgeous mature man, recently divorced. He had such a dirty kitchen that I spent ten minutes cleaning the floor and work surfaces before making coffee.
The bath was impossible to use - full of rubble. I had to clean off the taps and basin. Also the toilet seat. Finally I washed the grubby toothpaste I borrowed.
7 CREATE SOFT LIGHTING
No glare. Make sure you have a shade on every light bulb. If you've just moved in, take her shopping to advise.
8 MAKE A WELCOMING LIVING ROOM
Clear floors, tables, side tables and seats.
Choose mood music CDs.
Close curtains and turn on table lamps.
9 ELIMINATE ANIMAL SMELLS
Worst smells are from a household of cats. Your best date will be with another cat lover.
If you have an adorable dog which jumps on visitors and knocks them to the floor, perhaps Rover should not be roving but sit eating his food in a back room until your visitor asks to meet him. Then keep him on a lead for the introduction until you are sure your date likes dogs.
Change clothes which have had animals all over them. No point wearing a clean shirt and a jacket or coat which reeks of smoke and dogs. Check shoes which have walked through mud and more.
10 FIX FOOD SMELLS
You might not notice the smell. Until you come back from holiday. Open all windows.
Empty all bins. Remove stale food, especially rotting fruit from fruit bowls and fridges.
You can spray with air freshener. Cut flowers or ferns from the garden or supermarket or garden centre (ask for flowers with scent).
Ah - but she might be allergic to pollen. If she's going to sneeze for three months of the year, or demand to live on snow-capped mountains in winder and in the desert in summer, it might be a good idea to find out early. If she's a hayfever sufferer and you're a nurturer, you could buy her a couple of products to help.
A bowl of scented leaves will be available in gift shops or big stores. Wear aftershave.
FEEDBACK PLEASE
Have I forgotten anything? Any other suggestions?
Is this what you would do anyway? Does it seem like a lot of trouble? Only for special people? Just what you would do for any visitor?
For articles, blogs and books giving advice on dating, contact Angelalansbury@hotmail.com
I can also assess your appearance, voice, and confidence, to do a personal makeover, if you are dating or going for job interviews.
Stand outside the door like a vacuum cleaner sales person assessing whether the home owner is solvent and houseproud. First impression of your home?
1 CLEAR AND CLEAN OUTSIDE
Can the bell be heard? Are the door and handle and step clean? And the windows? And curtains? Flowerbeds neat? No litter? Clean car outside?
If it's late at night, put on the light over the door. I once turned and ran when I saw my date's front door was behind bushes in a dark side alley. You don't want to scare her into thinking she's entering the 'house of horrors'.
2 DE-CLUTTER INSIDE
Now, indoors. Clear floors, work surfaces, doorways and windows.
Put boots, trainers, shoes and slippers together against the wall, not lying around untidily to trip you up.
Chuck out old newspapers. If you must save them to cover surfaces for DIY, put them in a plastic bag in the garage.
3 HIDE RIVALS
Remove photos of family, especially wife or ex-wife, and ex-girlfriends.
And ancestors watching you.
Animal items on kitchen floor should be moved aside.
4 DUST BUST
Dust off surfaces. Is the kitchen clean for her to make coffee? Put coffee cups and saucers and coffee and sugar by the kettle. You don't want her opening cupboards discovering clutter and other secrets. Nor do you want to be spending hours hunting for the matching cup and saucer you bought last week and ending up handing her the chipped cup.
5 STOCK FRIDGE
Is the milk fresh? Have you got sweetener? Juice? Mineral water? Fruit? Protein? Your visitor might have travelled a distance, or set off without eating because of nerves and might now be hungry.
Healthy nibbles such as nuts?
6 CLEAR DUST & DIY RUBBLE
I was once at the filthy flat of a boyfriend. I wrote my name in the dust in every room before I left. That way the next person in would notice the dust and see he had a girlfriend. I reckoned he'd have to dust or suffer the embarrassment.
Worst place was the new home of the gorgeous mature man, recently divorced. He had such a dirty kitchen that I spent ten minutes cleaning the floor and work surfaces before making coffee.
The bath was impossible to use - full of rubble. I had to clean off the taps and basin. Also the toilet seat. Finally I washed the grubby toothpaste I borrowed.
7 CREATE SOFT LIGHTING
No glare. Make sure you have a shade on every light bulb. If you've just moved in, take her shopping to advise.
8 MAKE A WELCOMING LIVING ROOM
Clear floors, tables, side tables and seats.
Choose mood music CDs.
Close curtains and turn on table lamps.
9 ELIMINATE ANIMAL SMELLS
Worst smells are from a household of cats. Your best date will be with another cat lover.
If you have an adorable dog which jumps on visitors and knocks them to the floor, perhaps Rover should not be roving but sit eating his food in a back room until your visitor asks to meet him. Then keep him on a lead for the introduction until you are sure your date likes dogs.
Change clothes which have had animals all over them. No point wearing a clean shirt and a jacket or coat which reeks of smoke and dogs. Check shoes which have walked through mud and more.
10 FIX FOOD SMELLS
You might not notice the smell. Until you come back from holiday. Open all windows.
Empty all bins. Remove stale food, especially rotting fruit from fruit bowls and fridges.
You can spray with air freshener. Cut flowers or ferns from the garden or supermarket or garden centre (ask for flowers with scent).
Ah - but she might be allergic to pollen. If she's going to sneeze for three months of the year, or demand to live on snow-capped mountains in winder and in the desert in summer, it might be a good idea to find out early. If she's a hayfever sufferer and you're a nurturer, you could buy her a couple of products to help.
A bowl of scented leaves will be available in gift shops or big stores. Wear aftershave.
FEEDBACK PLEASE
Have I forgotten anything? Any other suggestions?
Is this what you would do anyway? Does it seem like a lot of trouble? Only for special people? Just what you would do for any visitor?
For articles, blogs and books giving advice on dating, contact Angelalansbury@hotmail.com
I can also assess your appearance, voice, and confidence, to do a personal makeover, if you are dating or going for job interviews.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
More On Mind Games
Somebody says 'no mind games'. Another says, 'no head games'. What do they mean?
Do they mean not 'playing hard to get'?
Or no drama?
Or say what you mean and mean what you say?
Or do they mean they want a one night stand with no conversation? No wit? No repartee? No humour?
No manipulation? Not saying something when you mean another? Not saying nothing when you have a hidden agenda?
Lots of humorous pop psychology books have been written to illustrate the mind set of men and women.
The basics are well known. Women in their thirties know that they should have children before their forties so they want to get married.
So you should be honest?
No. You can't tell a man you want to get married on the first date. Unless you live in a culture where you have arranged marriage and all single women are escorted.
We then come down to What's In It For Me?
Lots of male's profiles tell you what they are looking for. Sex and more sex.
Like a shop which tells you prices. Yes, the customer wants to know prices. But does the customer want to hear, 'We want your money'.
Marketing is a mind game. PR is a mind game. Politeness is a mind game. Tact is a mind game. A blog is a mind game.
One spends a great deal of time trying to understand other people's mind games. Everybody from the sales person to the server in the restaurant to the politician.
Yes, it is so much easier when people say what they mean. But we all know people who are rude, aggressive, selfish, kids throwing tantrums to get their own way.
Civilization is knowing your own group's mind games. Getting married is a mind game. Buying a house is a mind game. Getting a job is a mind game. Getting paid is a mind game.
Every parent has to play mind games. You can tell a kid, 'Eat your dinner!' but he won't. You can sit all day waiting for him to eat his dinner.
To get served, to get to the head of the line in a shop or a restaurant or at an airport or attraction, involves a mind game somewhere. Life is simpler if we have simple rules and stick to them.
But it only works when one person wants to hear what the other person needs. And is ready to supply it.
Putting up sign which says 'Please wait to be seated' is a mind game. The restaurant wants to control the customers.
Every speech and book is a mind game. Getting somebody else into bed is a mind game. Keeping them in bed is a mind game. Enjoying being in bed together is a mind game. Getting somebody out of your bed is a mind game.
By saying NO mind games, you are setting the other person up to play mind games. By being negative, you are warning them to be careful when dealing with you.
A negative command is often remembered as a positive command. That's why a major chocolate bar is being promoted with the slogan, 'Girls should not eat ...' Firstly, the negative will be forgotten.
Secondly, some people have inbuilt resistance. When you tell them to do something, they immediately want to do the opposite. Call it what you like, forbidden fruit, naughtiness, testing limits, being bolshie, defiance.
What do you mean by mind games?
Do they mean not 'playing hard to get'?
Or no drama?
Or say what you mean and mean what you say?
Or do they mean they want a one night stand with no conversation? No wit? No repartee? No humour?
No manipulation? Not saying something when you mean another? Not saying nothing when you have a hidden agenda?
Lots of humorous pop psychology books have been written to illustrate the mind set of men and women.
The basics are well known. Women in their thirties know that they should have children before their forties so they want to get married.
So you should be honest?
No. You can't tell a man you want to get married on the first date. Unless you live in a culture where you have arranged marriage and all single women are escorted.
We then come down to What's In It For Me?
Lots of male's profiles tell you what they are looking for. Sex and more sex.
Like a shop which tells you prices. Yes, the customer wants to know prices. But does the customer want to hear, 'We want your money'.
Marketing is a mind game. PR is a mind game. Politeness is a mind game. Tact is a mind game. A blog is a mind game.
One spends a great deal of time trying to understand other people's mind games. Everybody from the sales person to the server in the restaurant to the politician.
Yes, it is so much easier when people say what they mean. But we all know people who are rude, aggressive, selfish, kids throwing tantrums to get their own way.
Civilization is knowing your own group's mind games. Getting married is a mind game. Buying a house is a mind game. Getting a job is a mind game. Getting paid is a mind game.
Every parent has to play mind games. You can tell a kid, 'Eat your dinner!' but he won't. You can sit all day waiting for him to eat his dinner.
To get served, to get to the head of the line in a shop or a restaurant or at an airport or attraction, involves a mind game somewhere. Life is simpler if we have simple rules and stick to them.
But it only works when one person wants to hear what the other person needs. And is ready to supply it.
Putting up sign which says 'Please wait to be seated' is a mind game. The restaurant wants to control the customers.
Every speech and book is a mind game. Getting somebody else into bed is a mind game. Keeping them in bed is a mind game. Enjoying being in bed together is a mind game. Getting somebody out of your bed is a mind game.
By saying NO mind games, you are setting the other person up to play mind games. By being negative, you are warning them to be careful when dealing with you.
A negative command is often remembered as a positive command. That's why a major chocolate bar is being promoted with the slogan, 'Girls should not eat ...' Firstly, the negative will be forgotten.
Secondly, some people have inbuilt resistance. When you tell them to do something, they immediately want to do the opposite. Call it what you like, forbidden fruit, naughtiness, testing limits, being bolshie, defiance.
What do you mean by mind games?
Monday, August 6, 2007
I don't normally reply to anybody who has a body part picture. It suggests to me that they want a one night stand and have no common sense nor any kind of respectable job. Does anybody really want their children or neighbours or future employers to see their body parts in close-up?
Even last year's face photos can make you cringe. Do you really want last year's body parts hanging around forever when the fashion for tattoos and piercings is over?
I had wedding photos taken next to a nude statue. A decade later it looked so tasteless and tacky.
A face is much more fun. Men, or women, I like to see your face. One man shows a face photo but covers his eyes. That's so strange. Because on one site the smiling eyes are the only part of myself I've revealed. I suppose he likes to show a smiling mouth.
Even last year's face photos can make you cringe. Do you really want last year's body parts hanging around forever when the fashion for tattoos and piercings is over?
I had wedding photos taken next to a nude statue. A decade later it looked so tasteless and tacky.
A face is much more fun. Men, or women, I like to see your face. One man shows a face photo but covers his eyes. That's so strange. Because on one site the smiling eyes are the only part of myself I've revealed. I suppose he likes to show a smiling mouth.
Face Photos on dating sites - what do they tell you?
Face pictures do reveal the true age, or at least the wrinkle ration.
I had not thought about hygiene but I certainly see stubble and six o'clock shadow, greasy or untidy hair, a smile buried in a beard, or long washed hair.
I had not thought about hygiene but I certainly see stubble and six o'clock shadow, greasy or untidy hair, a smile buried in a beard, or long washed hair.
How To Improve Your Profile And Increase Responses
How do you improve your profile and increase responses?
[B]I like to write happy positive posts. But since a man has actually asked why he does not get responses I feel you would be interested in knowing my response and hearing some answers which could be helpful in showing how some women think which might echo your own feelings or spark off your own different ideas.
In a previous post on another blog site, a reader asked how he could get more responses. I looked at his profile and noticed the following things:
1 A typo in the profile. The word parents was jumbled. Easy to correct that with the spell checker. You don't need a PhD to click on the little ABC sign.
2 He starts by describing himself as average.
Average is not a selling point. Would a sales person tell you a product is average? He must think it's a selling point. In that case be more specific.
3 Then he goes on to talk about outdoor sex, shackles and blindfolds. A woman who has just joined an adult site might be scared off. An average woman looking for an average man might not want to be shackled by a stranger.
Shackles might appeal to somebody on a site where a large proportion of readers are seeking bondage. But fewer will be interested on an adult site. Okay, mention the shackles, but make it clear they are an option, not an obligation.
4 He also describes a woman making sexual advances ON THE FIRST DATE.
He is limiting himself to nymphomaniacs and women who have been on the site less than a month.
Any woman who has responded to this sort of profile previously, men wanting sex on the first date, has suffered from embarrassing conversations in public places and been groped on one occasion by at least one man, maybe on four or more occasions by four or more men, one of whom, maybe several of whom, she didn't like.
He needs to make it plain that sex on the first date is not obligatory. Otherwise she is worried that:
a) He will go too fast. It could be repulsive or embarrassing if she says no.
b) He might turn nasty if she says no.
c) He might be disappointed. He will look glum. Or end the date fast making her feel rejected.[/B]
The rest of this post is copied from my comment on a specific reader’s comment on my post.)
I can suggest several ways in which you could make small improvements to your presentation:
1 In your photo, folded arms is a keep away gesture. Retake the photo with arms by your side or holding something such as a book or newspaper or piece of sports equipment - but this might attract those who like your sport and repel those who don't so more neutral is just a pen or computer which is acceptable to everybody.
2 Smile. A welcoming, happy smile. If I meet you in a restaurant and you are unsmiling with arms folded my first thought is, this guy doesn't like me. Show that I will be meeting somebody happy who will put me at ease.
3 Arms look huge in the picture, larger than head. I love a red sleeveless top but focus should be on head, not arms. Maybe try an outfit with sleeves. Stick to red. The red is great.
4 Viewpoint is from down below, as if the viewer is subservient or about to perform a blow job. Put the camera higher, so the onlooker meeting you for the first time is face-to-face. Much friendlier.
5 Fringe is untidy and spiky. Wash hair and comb it so it looks neat and soft and clean.
6 Eyes look white and slightly ghoulish. Are you wearing glasses reflecting the light or what? I want to see the pupils of the eyes, smiling eyes.
7 Background is plain which is good. But something more classy would be better, perhaps outdoors, since a simple white door suggests you live in a prison or trailer.
What does the photo suggest the reader gets on first date? A shut, possibly locked, white door? With you standing against it, blocking her exit?
Maybe the lady would prefer a romantic waterfall or restaurant. If you like walks on the beach, take a photo of yourself on a beach and you will attract somebody who fancies walks on a beach. They immediately know something about you from the photo - a guy who likes walks on the beach.
8 You are ahead of most people because you can construct a sentence. But since you have an above average education and attention to detail, you are able to get it 100% right and create a good impression.
So, use the spell checker. For example, in your comment the word woman has a typo and is wopman. First sentence of second paragraph reads ‘I like ot’ instead of ‘like to’. Makes the reader struggle to understand. Spellchecker would have caught that.
You use the word nice three times and you could change it to something more specific and use three positive words such as ‘their profiles are attractive’, ‘an appealing picture’, ‘a friendly smile’.
The last sentence has a punctuation error. The word ‘lets’ should be ‘let's’ for let us.
I can't guarantee that any one or all of these changes could move you up, but an improvement in grammar could influence a person to shift you onto their shortlist, either as a conscious decision, or an unconscious decision. Since you asked, it's worth a try.
9 What makes you an individual? When you go for a walk on the beach what will you talk about?
10 Women often want to be the only one in your life. Addressing the reader as 'ladies' suggests you are looking for more than one woman, whereas if you talk about 'you' I would feel we are already a twosome, a couple in a conversation.
11 Keep sounding happy, or at least end each sentence and paragraph cheerfully. I just changed that sentence to end with the word cheerfully.
Your first paragraph ends on a negative note, whilst the second one ends on a positive note. You can turn sentences around so the negative is in the first half and you put the good point at the end to leave with the impression that you are upbeat.
12 Somebody told me that most men are looking for sex whilst most women are looking for a long -term relationship. This means solvent.
And not rushing into sex immediately. On a first date I don't actually want orgasms and walks on the beach (everybody man on here is looking for sex and the idea of a beach suggests he's looking for sex and a cheap date?). I want a meal in a restaurant.
Maybe that's just me, but I think that before we get to that remote, romantic beach, we need to meet in a safe public place with a crowd of jolly people to lift our mood.
You've got a sentence ending ‘dinner and conversation’. Switch those last two sentences and don't end with ‘doubt’ but with ‘dinner’.
13 When you write a comment, you might get responses from several women. But the person most likely to reply is the person who posted. So pick lots of posts by women in your area and send at least one comment which addresses them specifically by name, just as I have addressed my readers personally.
Opening a letter or email 'hi' without my name, without any form of address, does not start the right way for me.
If the profile nickname doesn't sound right as a form of address (Dear Here4U sounds odd), use part of the name (Dear ‘U’), or an endearment. I would respond more to Hello, my darling, or Dear Angel.
I hope this gives you the confidence to try again with enthusiasm.
To other readers, I trust this will interest you, too, and I'd like to hear from you, as I'm sure so would ‘David’, the man who wrote.
[B]I like to write happy positive posts. But since a man has actually asked why he does not get responses I feel you would be interested in knowing my response and hearing some answers which could be helpful in showing how some women think which might echo your own feelings or spark off your own different ideas.
In a previous post on another blog site, a reader asked how he could get more responses. I looked at his profile and noticed the following things:
1 A typo in the profile. The word parents was jumbled. Easy to correct that with the spell checker. You don't need a PhD to click on the little ABC sign.
2 He starts by describing himself as average.
Average is not a selling point. Would a sales person tell you a product is average? He must think it's a selling point. In that case be more specific.
3 Then he goes on to talk about outdoor sex, shackles and blindfolds. A woman who has just joined an adult site might be scared off. An average woman looking for an average man might not want to be shackled by a stranger.
Shackles might appeal to somebody on a site where a large proportion of readers are seeking bondage. But fewer will be interested on an adult site. Okay, mention the shackles, but make it clear they are an option, not an obligation.
4 He also describes a woman making sexual advances ON THE FIRST DATE.
He is limiting himself to nymphomaniacs and women who have been on the site less than a month.
Any woman who has responded to this sort of profile previously, men wanting sex on the first date, has suffered from embarrassing conversations in public places and been groped on one occasion by at least one man, maybe on four or more occasions by four or more men, one of whom, maybe several of whom, she didn't like.
He needs to make it plain that sex on the first date is not obligatory. Otherwise she is worried that:
a) He will go too fast. It could be repulsive or embarrassing if she says no.
b) He might turn nasty if she says no.
c) He might be disappointed. He will look glum. Or end the date fast making her feel rejected.[/B]
The rest of this post is copied from my comment on a specific reader’s comment on my post.)
I can suggest several ways in which you could make small improvements to your presentation:
1 In your photo, folded arms is a keep away gesture. Retake the photo with arms by your side or holding something such as a book or newspaper or piece of sports equipment - but this might attract those who like your sport and repel those who don't so more neutral is just a pen or computer which is acceptable to everybody.
2 Smile. A welcoming, happy smile. If I meet you in a restaurant and you are unsmiling with arms folded my first thought is, this guy doesn't like me. Show that I will be meeting somebody happy who will put me at ease.
3 Arms look huge in the picture, larger than head. I love a red sleeveless top but focus should be on head, not arms. Maybe try an outfit with sleeves. Stick to red. The red is great.
4 Viewpoint is from down below, as if the viewer is subservient or about to perform a blow job. Put the camera higher, so the onlooker meeting you for the first time is face-to-face. Much friendlier.
5 Fringe is untidy and spiky. Wash hair and comb it so it looks neat and soft and clean.
6 Eyes look white and slightly ghoulish. Are you wearing glasses reflecting the light or what? I want to see the pupils of the eyes, smiling eyes.
7 Background is plain which is good. But something more classy would be better, perhaps outdoors, since a simple white door suggests you live in a prison or trailer.
What does the photo suggest the reader gets on first date? A shut, possibly locked, white door? With you standing against it, blocking her exit?
Maybe the lady would prefer a romantic waterfall or restaurant. If you like walks on the beach, take a photo of yourself on a beach and you will attract somebody who fancies walks on a beach. They immediately know something about you from the photo - a guy who likes walks on the beach.
8 You are ahead of most people because you can construct a sentence. But since you have an above average education and attention to detail, you are able to get it 100% right and create a good impression.
So, use the spell checker. For example, in your comment the word woman has a typo and is wopman. First sentence of second paragraph reads ‘I like ot’ instead of ‘like to’. Makes the reader struggle to understand. Spellchecker would have caught that.
You use the word nice three times and you could change it to something more specific and use three positive words such as ‘their profiles are attractive’, ‘an appealing picture’, ‘a friendly smile’.
The last sentence has a punctuation error. The word ‘lets’ should be ‘let's’ for let us.
I can't guarantee that any one or all of these changes could move you up, but an improvement in grammar could influence a person to shift you onto their shortlist, either as a conscious decision, or an unconscious decision. Since you asked, it's worth a try.
9 What makes you an individual? When you go for a walk on the beach what will you talk about?
10 Women often want to be the only one in your life. Addressing the reader as 'ladies' suggests you are looking for more than one woman, whereas if you talk about 'you' I would feel we are already a twosome, a couple in a conversation.
11 Keep sounding happy, or at least end each sentence and paragraph cheerfully. I just changed that sentence to end with the word cheerfully.
Your first paragraph ends on a negative note, whilst the second one ends on a positive note. You can turn sentences around so the negative is in the first half and you put the good point at the end to leave with the impression that you are upbeat.
12 Somebody told me that most men are looking for sex whilst most women are looking for a long -term relationship. This means solvent.
And not rushing into sex immediately. On a first date I don't actually want orgasms and walks on the beach (everybody man on here is looking for sex and the idea of a beach suggests he's looking for sex and a cheap date?). I want a meal in a restaurant.
Maybe that's just me, but I think that before we get to that remote, romantic beach, we need to meet in a safe public place with a crowd of jolly people to lift our mood.
You've got a sentence ending ‘dinner and conversation’. Switch those last two sentences and don't end with ‘doubt’ but with ‘dinner’.
13 When you write a comment, you might get responses from several women. But the person most likely to reply is the person who posted. So pick lots of posts by women in your area and send at least one comment which addresses them specifically by name, just as I have addressed my readers personally.
Opening a letter or email 'hi' without my name, without any form of address, does not start the right way for me.
If the profile nickname doesn't sound right as a form of address (Dear Here4U sounds odd), use part of the name (Dear ‘U’), or an endearment. I would respond more to Hello, my darling, or Dear Angel.
I hope this gives you the confidence to try again with enthusiasm.
To other readers, I trust this will interest you, too, and I'd like to hear from you, as I'm sure so would ‘David’, the man who wrote.
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