Too Much Too Soon 2M2S

Too much too soon? I shall abbreviate to 2M2S. I just invented that, I believe. You saw it here first. You are welcome to copy the idea. If you have not seen it before, please remember that I said it here. There are three kinds of involvement which are too much too soon 2M2S: 1 PHONE CALLS & EMAILS FROM UNSEEN NAMELESS STRANGERS! Exchanging phone numbers with somebody who has not sent a photo nor a first name. A woman can get 80 winks and requests on one dating / friendship site alone. (And have three other entries elsewhere in one group of contact sites - some bring lots of responses, although one or two bring very few.) I was rather disenchanted with the anatomy pictures and distracting animated sidebars on one site. What I like about some sites is the ease of seeing all somebody's details so you can easily connect the message with the writer. On some sites you get one liners or even long messages and haven't a clue whether the writer is married or single, young or old, in your city or on another continent. It's useful to be able to see education and income. I can sometimes hazard a guess from the lifestyle and standard of writing. But a distressing number of people who claim to have postgraduate degrees or hold responsible jobs can't spell. I look at doctors and surgeons who can't spell and wonder if they prescribe the correct drugs. A pilot with poor English - would I be safe in his plane? And with the general lack of care I wonder how many of them can cope with a date or relationship. Are they capable of remembering your phone number or the name of the restaurant where you plan to meet? Could they be relied upon to use contraceptives? Would you really give out your phone number or email to all those people? Only if you were a call girl. In that case you would be charging. (According to a recent TV programme, in the UK students charge £100-200 an hour. A mature woman with an expensive wardrobe and website will fly overseas and can charge £9,000 a week. So a man who expects you to race across town and have sex with a stranger for the price of a cup of coffee is really mean and not the one for a girl looking for a long term relationship nor for a quickie.) 2 Getting emotionally involved before meeting He writes that he is enamoured. He says you are unique, unusual, and just what he is looking for. This could be a standard letter sent out to every female on the site. Unfortunately he is on holiday the other side of the world and won't be back home for 2-6 weeks. In my opinion it is a big mistake to write long emails or phone calls. You could be wasting two hours a week on a guy. And getting emotionally involved. Thinking you have a boyfriend. You don't. Then what happens? a He was lonely on holiday and had free time to email but he comes home and is too busy at work and spends free times with his partner in home city. b You meet and don't click. He's an introvert, happy on paper, totally tongue-tied when face to face. c He is much younger or older than you thought. You don't look a couple. You don't feel right. He never even looks at you nor touches you. d He thinks that you will jump into bed within five minutes of meeting him because he wrote twenty emails. Of course you won't. He is peeved. He thinks you don't like him. Well, you don't like his behaviour. e You are terribly disappointed because you thought this was going somewhere. The train doesn't depart until you get on it. In a station with dozens of trains when you have a specific destination in mind, you don't jump on the nearest train. You need to know which train you are on and know the destination. 3 Sex too soon. If you want one night stands, if that's the best you can get, if that is enough for you, well, fine. But it never worked for me. a You get involved with somebody immediately but quickly realize he is not for you long-term but can't say no. He (or she) isn't good enough or their lifestyle and yours are a mis-match. Sometime before, during or after you discover a deal-breaker. b You can't go on with this lifestyle for health reasons - you keep coming down with infections or you worry too much that you might. c You lose your reputation or self respect. d It's a security risk. e You realise you haven't time to write three hours a week to secure a date, then nine hours a week for a date the following week. That's three hour of writing to each of three men, to secure a date with one of them. It's too time-consuming. 4 Emotional Involvement With the Unavailable A lot of women make this mistake. A man says he is looking for no strings attached. You get emotionally involved. He doesn't. He is married and away on business a lot - so he says. Maybe he has a string of girls. Maybe he is alternating seeing men and seeing women. Maybe he is home with the wife and family. You are yearning and lonely. You reject everybody else because your heart is with him.

This can happen to men, too. I spoke to a married man who got involved with a woman who was single and said he could move in with her. But she wanted him immediately - in the middle of his daughter's school-leaving exams. He wanted her to wait a month or two. Then she threw a fit. She said make up your mind, now or never. He was emotionally involved with her and was upset. Now he wonders whether she had never married because she was never willing to commit. So that's the last 'too much too soon' scenario. Four scenarios where you should hold onto information and emotional involvement: Giving out your information; getting emotionally involved before meeting; getting involved with the unavailable; spending too much time time chasing one off dates. Am I right? Or wrong? Can I hear the woman's view? And the man's viewpoint? Have I missed anything out?