MONEY & DATING

MONEY 

A man complained to me that when he tells women on a first date that he lost all his money they don’t want a second date. He is ‘cynical’ about their motives.

There is a saying that if you keep doing the same thing, you get the same results.

Perhaps the women are doing the right thing - for themselves. They are eliminating a man who

Can’t look after money

Can’t keep personal matters secret

Does not appear to have learned from past mistakes

He complains that they are all ‘after money’ or ‘looking for security’.

Several things may be going through their mind either as a specific thought or general uneasiness:

Maybe he cannot afford to date because he is saving

He is revealing his anxiety about not having money - saying he is not enjoying the date because he can’t afford to pay the bill

If they have no money, he cannot support them when they retire or fall sick

He may be expecting the woman to support him.

If they are not gold-diggers (women with no money seeking men who have lots of money) but have a lot of money, they may feel he will lose their money, or can’t be trusted to look after it.

He is not going to want a long term relationship because he feels insecure financially and does not want any ongoing financial commitment - in other words he is going to end the relationship soon - better for the woman not to start a relationship and get emotionally involved with Mr Wrong or Mr Disappearing or Mr Unreliable. If he wants to forget past mistakes and problems and move on - he should focus on the message that he is moving on. 

Maybe he is frightening them about their own financial situation, making them worried. Some may want a man who offers financial security longterm. Others may not. But probably both types still want a sufficiently jolly get-away-from-it-all date.

They may wonder, 

Is he always going to be telling sob stories - generally miserable

He may be moving the conversation to borrowing money either because of his situation or as a con trick

This could be the start of a series of disaster stories, how he lost his money, lost his family, lost his passport - even when he gets a winning hand he can’t play it right.

Can you see the solution?  You can always put a positive slant on it. I have income rather than capital. Reverse the sentence - I don't have capital but I have income. Or - my strength is income. If you have capital rather than income - we might have a good financial fit. Or - I don't have a huge income but I can take you on a jolly night out.

Or stick to the positives. I am thrifty.

Or I like to picnic in the park - with the best M & S sandwiches, strawberries and cream and champagne.