Safe Talk When Meeting Strangers On The Train & Internet

Strangers On The Train & Internet

Safety In Conversation
What to avoid talking about?
Drinking can make you garrulous. You could reveal too much to a stranger

Reveal whether you live alone
When you are out - and if your house is empty
How much money you have

Your desire for money (She might come across as a gold-digger.) Sex. (He might think she’s a nympho, wants sex on first date, or is a call girl.) She might think he’s sex-mad, pushy and dangerous)

Comparisons are dangerous. For example - 'my last girlfriend was perfect' sounds positive.  But maybe it suggests the listener is not). Listen to the feedback. It could be, 'I can't ....' That listener is seeing your list of relationships as a shortlist and hoping to be top. That listener would have been happier listening to compliments. If the other person ever asks, How am I doing? they are looking for praise and flattery. 

The clues are all there. Don't think up your answer a week later when it's too late. The trick is to respond immediately. Better still - get the clues before you start speaking.

You don't want to talk miserably or angrily at length about 'how 

my last girlfriend deceived me' (suggesting I’m a naive self-pitying victim). On the other hand, if the other person has been in a similar situation, you can describe it very briefly.  Can you reduce the story to one sentence - or four words - and add four or more positive words? For example, 'My last husband/wife was having constant affairs and I'll looking for somebody loyal and faithful. Is that what you are looking for?'

Talking about people who are famous and rich can lead to odious comparisons or disappointed expectations. For example, she might think:
'His best friend’s a millionaire but all he can afford is a cheap drink.'

She might think: He knows all these famous people but he’s a nobody. I agree with him - I’d like to be with Brad Pitt right now. Or
He knows these great people but doesn’t take me to meet them. So either he is lying .... or ...
He doesn’t think I’m good enough to meet them. Or -
He is losing interest in me because I’m not famous.

Safer subjects are things you enjoy - so long as the other person enjoyed them. Trying to convince somebody that something they hate is what you love and what they should love might not be your best strategy. If you disagree, ensure the conversation is not hostile and confrontational but positive. Make sure you smile.

If you’ve talked for half an hour your listener may look mesmerized. But if you never allow them to speak, it’s a monologue. When both people speak equally, you have a dialogue. 

Of course, there are couples where talkers marry listeners and extraverts marry introverts. Attraction of opposites. When the talker stops, the listener should give the speaker applause, too. 

If the speaker asks, 'Am I boring you?' he is having self-doubt, not allowing time for enough feedback. Or not getting enough of the hoped-for encouragement. 

For example, 'Interesting!' depending on the tone of voice could mean: You are nuts. You are weird. You are a victim. You are stupid. You are cruel. You never learn.  I refuse to comment in case I commit myself. I'm glad I wasn't there. I am trying to follow this roller-coaster jumble. Enough, already! You are like watching TV. I'll keep watching and hope the ending is good.

What is the closing line? Is it:

'Thank you for meeting me.' 

'Thank you for listening. '

'I've enjoyed it.' 

'We must do this again some time.' (Meaning 'No hurry. Only if nothing better turns up.)

Or: 'How about next week?'

Bear in mind that regardless of your emotional fit, some people are more inclined to plan ahead than others.

If you have entertained sombody for an evening. to make them want a second date ensure you have made them feel desirable and desired.

Self-praise modified by flattery
Disraeli flattered Queen Victoria - even though she knew she was queen of England.
And he did not praise himself. He looked for what they had in common. He did not say, 'I’m an author,' but, ‘We authors, Ma’am ...’ Now that’s something I must remember.