Laugh, don't cry, on the first date

I like the phrase, 'Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone'. I think it's important to project a cheery image. It attracts cheerful people. It does not attract fellow depressives. You don't risk portraying yourself as a loser. You don't risk upsetting yourself. I've spoken to one man whose ex-girlfriend was suicidal.And met two others (twenty years apart) whose exes had committed suicide. So often suicidal people are over sensitive and they are trying to help others who are worse off than themselves. Lending money to people who are insolvent. Helping friends who are in relationships with people who make threats. I used to wonder about people such as Evita who wanted to move on. After WWII some women who had lost husbands who were pilots married again and never mentioned their first husband. Man number two had to be made to think he was number one in the woman's life, not second best to a dead man. I've always found people with secrets they can never mention slightly worrying and scary. But now I'm starting to take the opposite view. During a first phone call, or on a first date, before I've established a relationship, I don't want to hear a long tale about the ex girlfriend or wife. I suddenly become an outsider, an onlooker, not connecting with, no a conversation, not a dialogue a monologue. Because you cannot comment. I could ask more, because I'm fascinated. But it is just sucking me in deeper, and pulling them under too. So much better if they'd said, 'I'll tell you about that next time. Let's talk about you.' You can't say too much. You haven't got the full story. Of course it does explain things. One man who is heavily overweight and blames it on a road accident leaving him inactive. I think he still has issues with the past, guilt at not being able to save his fiancee's life. He took on too big a task. And if I were to take on him, I would be taking on too big a task. I suppose everybody over the age of 40 has some baggage. But on a first date you should leave it outside. A Toastmasters manual about conversation shows how conversation follows four levels, from the impersonal to the highly personal. But I think you need a lot of closeness to progress to the last level.